  Yes, we have no bananas. And It's 3 o'clock in the morning. So, I can't sleep for many reasons. One of which is, I have indegestion/acid reflux and it's killing me. Another of which could be the worry over the site visit tomorrow. One of my programs is being scrutinized again to make sure I am compliant with the grant's stipulations and all that crap.
Honestly, I think I am running a wonderful program and the majority of my students would agree as would just about all of the other people you would ask/who would be concerned. Of course, the woman coming to do the visit is rather "by the book" which is all well and good but I don't feel like I have a "book" to go by. I don't have the exact specifications of our state's grant and every single time I ask her for them, she doesn't send them. So, in my mind, if she says one thing about my files or anything specifically grant related and not programmatic, I can just play the game right back at her. I personally shouldn't be sitting up at three in the freakin' morning worrying about this woman's visit. If she decides to recommend taking the grant away, I have no reason to be personally offended.
Plus, if she makes the motion to take our grant away, there are about ten thousand other people to go through before anything is actually done about it. So, I would be able to find another job and bail on them. NOT like any of this is even a possibility but I always jump to the most extreme case scenario and believe it until ulcers form in the pit of my stomach and wherever else ulcers can form. I am convinced that my entire stomach is eaten away by ulcers and I function at some miraculous biological state of stomach-less-ness. I am typing in the dark and I must say how impressed with myself I am that I can type numbers and symbols without having to look at the keyboard. I just never realized that I have become so adept at typing.
It's probably because I spend the majority of my days in front of a computer typing e-mails or random crap...I mean, stuff for my job. So, whatever, I am annoyed with myself for getting so worked up and causing physical ailments to result from my work-related stressors. I just wish I wasn't so sensitive. It's just that I have never been good at failure or criticisim (or spelling, for that matter) and this job is bringing all of those feelings to the forefront of my being/existence. I have a really supportive network of people on campus who would still let me work and would trust my work if we were to lose the grant. I am not really worried about losing the grant, I am just convinced it's going to happen when I know full well that I can't make myself sick over something that isn't going to happen and if it did would not happen for another year and the program would still run...besides...I am only the assistant director, my supervisor would also be responsible because that's his job.
Ah, hierarchy. Well, let's see. What else is worth typing about? I got the dress I am going to wear for the wedding. It's two pieces but will look like one because I have a blazer or sweater to wear over it. I also got shoes and stockings to match.
The dress is a light pink with off-white flowers on it...they're small understated flowers outlined in black. Then, I got a blazer to match and an off-white, short-sleeved sweater to wear. The top is sleeveless. I also got off-white/pearly shoes. They're closed toe and have a sling back with a buckle fastener. I think the outfit screams "wear pearls with me!!!
" so I think I will wear the necklace and earrings that my uncle gave me after my aunt died. They were hers. Were it later in the summer or an outside function, I would find the perfect hat to go along with the outfit. It does scream "wear a hat wit me" but only if I wore the sweater...no, perhaps the blazer, too. I am wearing it for Easter so my family can see it on me. I have to get the pictures developped soon after returning from the wedding and then show them to people.
I am SO BAD with pictures. Shoot. Speaking of pictures, I forgot to bring the film from work to get sent out so the students stop nagging me about the film. Dammit. Oh well. Another six years won't kill them.
No, it's just been um....well, two weeks now. Oops. Well, I posted the plea for roommates at human resources and with some trusted colleagues at work. So far, two names have come up. If either or both of them turn into reality, I potentially have it made before either of my roommates bail. Excuse me, move out.
I would comment more but will refrain in lieu of upsetting anybody or saying things I don't really mean. I am good at that, or so I have been told. I just checked my e-mail and have one from a student who is all pissy about this other student in the group. Won't go into it in public forum but it's just one of those situations that makes me cranky. I am under stress to drop her from the program but can't just do that because of the grant's stipulations. At least I think that's how it works because I only have the general guidelines and not the state specific guidelines/requirements/procedures.
I also trust this student and think she means well and want to give her the chance. I am ultimately in charge and what I say goes so ... suck it up girls. Well, I am running out of things to say that don't start the paragraph with "well. " Suppose I were to ramble on all night and then take a shower and go to work? Wouldn't that make for a fun day in the office? My poor students/colleagues.
Oh well. Such is life. No, I will just play games until my eyes fall out of my head and then I will sleep too late and Renee will have to kick my ass to get me up in the morning. Good thing I have them as roommates. What the hell am I going to do when they bail? I mean move.
One more thing...oh, now I forget what it is. Must not have been important. 
