  current tune: jerry cantrell - angel eyes okay, so "history" was written a long time ago, when everything seemed to matter more. if you read it, it sounds like if not for ben, everyone would be living in eden. obviously that's not true. natural human defense mechanism - when feeling guilty, cast about for a scapegoat. i was looking to defer some blame elsewhere. i'm the one to blame for the whole situation. not anybody else. josh would have felt akward, whether ben had brought up the possibility or not. would we have talked about it less if ben hadn't been cracking jokes? probably. would that have been a good thing? probably not. and by the way, the dog thing was my being overly sensitive, and was all in my head. i probably should have re-read that note before posting it, but nonetheless it was how i felt then. sorry, ben. 
