  current tune: interpol - stella was a diver and she was always down i hate conversations about money. i hate having to think about it. i don't want to be that guy. but on some level money is part of everything - my social life, my eating habits, and a million other things that it isn't for someone who gets paid regularly.
every itime we talk about it i end up so depressed i can't function the rest of the day. so here i am in the middle of a perfectly good workday, trying to summon a sugar high from laffy taffy, and typing in my blog. kill me. i hate the thought of trying to find another job. i hate the thought of leaving this one. but i can't keep putting up with this. every light at the end of the tunnel turns into a train wreck.
if i leave, it ends, but i sell out the dreams i had for this job and for my career. i know that's melodramatic, but i'm beyond being able to stop myself. smash me. i tried to write about how happy i was to hang out with eric again last night. i tried to remember how akward i felt being told that he respected me. i tried. erase me. i can't remember what it was like to not worry about how i'm going to pay for groceries in 2 weeks. i can't remember what it was like to 
