  I shove past the guy at the door and squeeze my way into the nightclub.  There's no need to get my hand stamped;  I wont be drinking.  I won't be there that long.  I stand with my arms crossed,  against the back wall on my tiptoes as tall as I can,  as I try and catch a glimpse of you,  and fail.  The crowd is too loud,  too raucous,  too in love with your image.  They're too enthralled by your music,  your grace and the way you get close to the mike when you get nervous,
 the way you look down at them individually as though they too were your girlfriends.  They're too much in love with the way your radiate pure sexuality,  with your bedroom eyes and your sexy half smile when you hit your favorite lyrics,  especially the smutty ones.  You can't see me.  I can feel the rhythm of the bass;  the drums beat and thump deep in my chest,  and the cymbal crashes ring in my ears.  You start to play the one song you've taken the time to write for me.  Can you feel my eyes?  Is that why you started it?  I choke down clouds of smoke and move up into the crowd,  knowing that the pulsing beat and the thick air will find their way into my nightmares tonight,
 although I take comfort in the fact that you still play my song and choose to ignore the smog.  I can see you for a moment,  as if frozen in time,  before the mass of bright leather and plastic makes its way and swells to the stage again.  This is a nightly trip.  We've not seen each other in weeks.  I finally get close enough to the stage that I can fully make out your features.  That stubble on your chin that tells me you forgot to shave this morning,  the necklace with the ring I gave you on it.
 I can begin to make out the small crescent shaped scar above your eyebrow,  but I might only be seeing it because I know that it's there.  I love the way you run your finger over it gently when the song is over,  and sigh,  shaking your head slowly and the way you tug on your collar when you mentally prepare for the next song.  All habits that used to annoy me beyond any words you could say,  any buttons you could push,  and now little things that drive me wild.  Slowly the music starts to take over again.  I forget our fights and squabbles,
 and all the time we spent apart,  and our small problems,  and all the other reasons I'm really here tonight.  I find myself dancing along with the crowd,  slowly at first,  and then truly a part of the music.  The beat works into my arms and legs and my head swings as though of it's own will,  and I find myself pulled into the movement of the crowd as they live and breathe the music.  They don't see me.  Even with the glaring colored lights in red and orange,  the blinking strobe light,
 and the crush of sweaty,  drunken bodies surrounding me,  no one notices I'm there.  You start an upbeat,  especially loud song that I recognize as a set ender,  and I start to make my way again to the back of the room.  Once I get there,  I lean against the wall and listen to the gradual climax of the song,  and then to the over the top drum solo that signifies the end of the piece.  I begin to make my way to the door when you begin to talk.  " Normally that would be our set ender"
 you say " But something happened that changed my life,  and I needed to sing about it.  This is 'Could it be any harder' by The Calling.  This is for my muse,  my lover,  my best friend,  my Innamorata.  You left me with goodbye and open arms A cut so deep I don't deserve You were always invincible in my eyes the only thing against us now is time Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you,  Could it be any harder to watch you go,  to face what's true If I only had one more day I lie down and blind myself with laughter A quick fix of hope is what I'm needing And now I wish that I could turn back the hours But I know I just don't have the power Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you,  Could it be any harder to watch you go,
 to face what's true If I only had one more day I'd jump at the chance We'd drink and we'd dance And I'd listen close to your every word,  As if its your last,  I know its your last,  Cause today,  oh,  you're gone Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you,
 Could it be any harder to watch you go,
 to face what's true If I only had one more day Like sand on my feet The smell of sweet perfume You stick to me forever,  baby and I wish you didn't go,  I wish you didn't go I wish you didn't go away To touch you again,
 With life in your hands It couldn't be any harder I paused at the door with one hand on the frame.  I took in my surroundings,  knowing I'd be back the next night,  and the night after and every night till we're together again,  just watching over you.  I bowed my head.
 "
I love you too sweetheart,  Il Mio Innamorato"  I whispered.  But no one heard me.  It's hard to hear the dead.
