  Sleepless. My inner clock is all messed up  still on Australian time. First priority on arriving back in Canada: recouperate my music collection. Cant believe how much it matters to me. Am also incredibly eager to see all my friends, catch up, get reconnected. Japan was an experience that made me aware of how I live.
Bare shoulders here in Canada are normal, in Japan bare shoulders are tarty. Electronic toilets in Japan are run of the mill (they even have two different kinds of jet water squirts), electronic toilets here are unheard-of. I live a strange life. A semi-charmed life. And now, what do I want to do with it? What job can I do that I will LOVE, that will not feel like work, that will offer a sense of accomplishment but won't leave me poor?
I could write blogs for a living, but then, I would be poor. I also have a feeling that I would have to be more careful and artistic about it, rather than just setting down all the inanities in my head. I would also have to spell correctly. Not-so-much. What to do, what to do? Back to school for a bit, back to work for a while, and back to Australia in a couple years.
I gotta go back. I gotta: ~learn how to surf ~parasail ~get my scuba diving certification ~go horse back riding ~camp out in the outback ~hike through the rainforest ~pet more Koalas ~get through some of the watering holes ~go canyoning ~white water raft All these things and more, I gotta gotta do! What has everyone else done? What would you do? You're homeless, jobless but not hopeless. Employable, but unsure as to which vocation to follow.
Where do I start? I need money to go to school to see if I want to do certain things that would lead to a career. To get money to go to school I need a job. How do I get a job in a career that I might want to get into but still have to go to school for? Therein lies the quandry. I can't remember who said it, but someone did, "There is inspiration in everything.
If you don't see it, look harder. " I say a television show on redecorating - their inspiration for a new master bedroom? Tiffany's. As in the jewellery store. As in Turquoise and white ribbons. Interesting.
Inspiration is everywhere. Why can't I find it sometimes? My muse must be fickle. Either that or I'm just some part time job that she's filling in time for some extra cash, or brownie points, or however the Muse Payment System works. Apparently there are 80,000 books published per year in the USA. Maybe my muse is too busy helping the real writers in their literary works.
What happens if you feel creative, you know it in your bones and you try to BE creative and live a creative life and you can't? What happens then? Are you just trying too hard? Should you just let creativity happen around you, or should you continue to work at it? Continue to look for inspiration in everything. Inspiration in the way the furnace rattles when it turns on?
Inspiration in the sign above my head that says "Katanga spoken here"?! Inspiration in the early light over a suburb of Toronto? Inspiration in looking for inspiration. At least frustration gives me something to write about. I am given subject matter by my complete lack of any proper subject matter. I've been most of the way around the world, 11 countries in one year and I don't really have much to say about it.
I hold my experiences to myself, refusing to believe that anyone really wants to hear that the Swiss graveyards are a riot of colourful flowers, and that Australia feels like it's in the middle of nowhere, when it's not really. Perhaps I dread trying to explain my feeling because I don't analyze them. To expound on them, I would have to monitor what I am thinking and why, and then try and express it in an interesting manner that other people would actually want to hear. Hmmmmmm. Do other people really want to hear that?! Do they? 
