  All this Sarah ordeal has made me really think about things and how Robert said that all his life he has tried to avoid hating people and now as redundant as it might sound he hates the fact that he hates her, because it's a feeling that he doesn't want in his heart.
Exactly how I felt when he first told me about Sarah a few months ago. Why should I have any sort of feelings for her, when I haven't even met her? That gives her some sort of influence on me and she's not even worth that. In light of the events and after another three days of not hearing from Jason I've realized that my only goal in life is to be happy; so what makes me happy? Piggy back rides make me happy, smiles make me happy, bubbles make me happy, nature makes me extremely happy, ballet makes me happy, spending time one on one with my friends and family makes me happy, reading makes me happy, writing in this journal thing makes me happy and relaxed. Learning new things makes me really happy, among those things I wanna learn are playing pool and skipping a rock (I haven't mastered that yet).
Most of all, making people happy makes me happy. I don't see anything wrong with that. Robert told me that I should be a little selfish and just think about myself...I guess in order to be happy. However, I can't be selfish and oddly enough all throughout our relationship I tried to make him happy yet my parents always called me selfish. Go figure! Being selfish is just not in me. I really don't see anything wrong with me wanting to make people happy, because it truly makes me happy. It's not that I'm a pushover, because I'm quite stubborn so when I want to do something I do it (unless my mom gives me the usual guilt trip AND I have a bit of a doubt about doing it).
If I feel like I HAVE to make people happy then I don't like it. For example doing what my parents told me to when I was a teenager just to make them happy...didn't make me happy. 
