  happy thanksgiving y'all it was special, in a very simple sort of way....the ways things should be i suppose. uncomplicatingly amazing. right down to our bubble bath, our abundance of food to last six lifetimes and as always, the excursions. watching a movie together, curled up in the arms of of someone i love and of someone that loves me. i still find for the words to describe it, the little big small huge things. it's in his eyes, in his touch.
it's in the way he moves inside me, the way he says i love you, i need you, i want you. peeling potatoes with the moms, baking with the cousins...no chaos, no screaming, no fights. nothing like last year, no bickering of the other parents. it was a nice thanksgiving indeed. no pressure to be perfect or anything at all, in my jammies just being me. just being a part of the family.
this is what it's all about i want to scream, i want to cry, i want to thank the great big guy up above again. he talks about our basement, what it's going to look like. and we plan out the little things, picking out furniture and deciding on schools and what-nots. what i'll do when we get there, what he'll do. planning holidays and summers, white christmases and joyful springs. the doctors, the hospitals, the psychiatrists, he's got it all worked out in his head, all the little pieces coming together...being pieced together.
and they both look so happy. going home. and i know that feeling only oh too well. it's funny how much can happen when you put four brains together. a big thing, i suppose almost like getting married. our 2.5 kids and the dog.
got the dog covered plus jessica and rob. this is so strange, i don't know if that this feels so right that it's strange or if it's because the whole concept of it all just amazes me. me? there's this warmth when he's near. just this insane amount of love he radiates. this is what love truly is, and everyday, even as i wake up to arms flung on my chest and his breath tickling my ear i thank someone again.
thank god for this gift. him. us. i am only nineteen and him twenty and in the back of my mind i am constantly worrying. what if we're just kidding ourselves? what if it happens all over again?
what if? what if? what if? this just seems too perfect...and it's as if i'm waiting for it all to cave beneath me. it's ironic how boringly in tune we are. honey, pick up some eggs on the way home.
you never wear any bloody thing i buy so why bother? take the fucking dog out will you. you do the dishes and i do the laundry? ramen noodles, mac and cheese or mc donalds tonight? i have all these hours in between school and when he comes home from work. and i clean, or organize, or humor myself...watch tv, paint, play scrabble as i wait for the magic hour.
making dinner in between, trying to prevent it from getting cold, little surprises. and he comes home with flowers and a smile. and says hey baby, i missed you. and i say i missed you too. i missed you too. 
