  I'm back in San Francisco, and as usual, I have nothing to write as interesting as my junk on the Military-Nintendo complex, so here's what I'm gonna do........ Nick's List of Shampoo that Hurts to Get in Your Eye 10.
Johnson & Johnson: That no tears crap doesn't fool me... 9. Neutrogena: Well, at least my retina doesnt have acne... 8. Got 2 B: Got 2 Blind yo ass.... 7. Pantene Pro-V: Imagine putting shoe polish on the inside of your eyelid and blinking like your having an epileptic seizure. For an eye so healthy, it shines... 6. Suave: You can see it in the back of your head. All your brain cells rush away and split your skull in two. 5. LOreal: I'm not sure how, but when it hits your right eye, it goes to your left one, too.... I think they make it for your eyelashes, the peak of bad ideas. 4: Hydrology: This is supposed to add moisture to your hair, so when it hits your eye, you choke as it becomes so moist that it slips out of your eye socket and down your throat... 3.
Pert Plus: I know it's old, but it still feels like you have Windex, lighter fluid, and some whiskey in your eye. 2. Herbal Essences: Despite their orgasmic commercials, it won't make your eye feel like that. All the herbs of the Amazon rainforest put together with mind dumbing chemicals and probably a bit of the date-rape drug to give you a nice clean feeling.
Blame it on Dr. Ruth... 1. Head and Shoulders: All anti-dandruff shampoos are designed to get rid-of dead cells. Unfortunately, they end up killing some live cells as well. When you get this in your eye, it makes you see through time. It blinds you for at least 2 hours by traveling to the back of your head, detaching your retina, and turning your eye into a cherry bomb with a lighted fuse... ...and that's how I feel... 
