  It had been a peaceful bus ride until thena group of elementary school kids tend to pull ones attention away from even the most mundane reading (and this was far froma recommendation from a friendChalmers Johnsons Sorrows of Empiremost excellent and disturbing critique of the current administration). I was a little annoyed at the disturbance. But once I decided the reading was a wash, I was happy to sit there and eavesdrop. Kids are so damned cute without even trying. There were about six of themthird graders, Im thinking. Loud, loud, loud.
There was an elderly man sitting next to two of them, and I initially thought he was lamenting his deplorable choice of seating, but it turns out he was quite taken. The chaperone had told this one little boy that he should tie his shoes so he didnt trip. The kid made a face and pretty much ignored her. Then the old man said: You may not want to, but itll make her happy. Thats the reason men do things. There, Ive let you in on one of the secrets.
BOY #1: Then you get her heart? MAN: (laughing) Hey! Thats the other secret! BOY #2: I already knew both those secrets. I like a girl. She hates me.
GIRL #1: Yeah, and her names A- man -da! (laughter all around) BOY #2: So? He looked down at the ground then and smiled a super shy smile revealing two dimples. So stinkin cute!! A conversation ensued regarding what these boys knew about women. KID #1: Actually, I learned another lesson: girls can talk a realllllly long time.
KID #2: Yeah, and they like to yell. I thought maybe they were talking about their mothers until Kid #1 chimed in again KID #1: When I dont listen to my sisters, Im a REAL manI think. Apparently, the women these boys know just love to scream and fight, cuz KID #2: The girl I like? She wants to kill me. I was laughing so hard. Kill him?
Goodness! They certainly knew they had a captive audience, so I think this group was perhaps more animated than usual, but then maybe not. If you never spend any time around children, I can tell you its worth the strain on your patience (if you're not-so-kid-inclined) just to hear how they interact and try to remember having that kind of outlook. Things are pretty clear: either a girl likes you back (not bloody likely, in the 3rd grade), or she wants to kill you. Makes things pretty easy, no? Can you imagine such conversations in the grown-up world?
John: Hey what about that chic from marketingdid you ask her out? Rick: Naw. I havent. John: Well, whats your take? Does she like you? Rick: No, actually, she wants to kill me.
John: Tough luck, man. Im calling for all-out, across the board regression, just to simplify matters. P.S. The kid actually tripped when he got off on account of not tying his shoelace. If men would just listen to women... 
