  The dream was lucid and shocking, maybe due to the long hours of this job, maybe the lack of sleep for the past week and next five weeks, maybe because she called two days ago and left a message, and I left a three minute message back.
But I had a dream, one of the craziest I can remember. It was about an ex that isn't an ex, someone who I had a moment with, and who I hoped to have more with (and somewhere in my mind, I'm sure I still do), but things never worked out and drama ensued, and the moment is in the past. We were at a wedding. Her wedding. Maybe we were at a swimming party before that. I don't think so. I drove out to a ranch to see her marry a guy I didn't know, but I knew he was uglier than I am, kind of tall and skinny frame but fat person. She was in her wedding dress, a drugstore knockoff that was probably worn by others and will be worn again. She had a cropped haircut and blonde hair. Trailer park queen. But it was still her. And in a way, she was more attractive, cheerful, enjoying one of the biggest days of her life, no matter the cost or style. Maybe she looked so happy because I was so sad. So there was a wedding, but I don't remember that.
I remember her walking around the guests rather than down the aisle, without her father, alone, confident. She stood there, picturesque view even though the wedding was on a cow pasture. And then it was over, and I was trying to get ahold of her, but she didn't want to talk to me. Her friends did...they were happy to stop by and chat it up, but I didn't pay attention. I was looking for her.
I ran into her stepfather, who I know briefly from real life. He was eating off of a chocolate ice cream groom's cake. I wanted the vanilla one, but I was willing to settle. "Rolin Moe," he said, in a regality I never knew from him, "thank you for this day. " I smiled, not wanting to ruin his memory even though my part in his stepdaughter's wedding was less than mentionable. Then the tornado came. Quickly. It started raining, but he remained with the cake. I ran for the barn, an area I was never allowed to go before, but everyone was congregated here, watching CNN. She was there too, with the new husband, holding hands, wearing a T-shirt and daisy dukes. She smiled at me.
I had a conversation with her. All filler. I didn't ask her any of the questions I wanted to, tell her any of the things I wanted to. Why? You should be with me. C'mon. This is just silly. I smiled, made the pleasant conversation, maybe even shook his hand before I woke up. And then it was morning, and I had coffee to make and kids to wake up for breakfast. But I wanted to return, maybe have the chance to see if I could ball up and say it all.
The kids are in the middle of a nuclear winter scenario where they're fighting for Skittles. It is complete bedlam out there. An hour long, where they find all of the skittles and then are given chance cards to tell them what provisions they take from there. Half are dead now, and the other half are fighting like dogs to stay alive. I can't talk to any of them. Incredible. All treaties are broken. 
