  I was just about to write something about what happened last night. It was supposed to be really interesting. And depressing. I thought of it as I lay in bed last night. I composed it all neatly. But when I sat here to type it out just now, almost twenty four hours later, my hands went dull.
Literally. They just lost energy. I coudln't bring myself to write it all out. I had it in my head. And thats all that seemed to matter. I didn't want to talk about it.
I wanted to keep it to myself. And I guess thats okay. Two people in the past week have asked why I have become so cynical as of late. The answer is, I don't know. It could be the stress. It really could.
I do not joke when I say that I feel as if I could have a heart attack any moment now. My chest feels like a knot and I think I have an ulcer. That could be it. Maybe not. I don't even know if I really am cynical. I'm really starting to understand things now.
Or at least I hope so. Maybe I'm not. Maybe thats just something I'm assuming. Whenever I have a relatively profound thought, I usually think about how much wiser I am now then I used to be. How much I've grown. I'm having that thought again now.
But the thing is, one month later I'll read this blog entry and think that it is all wrong. That that can't be. That that was a pretty silly thing to think about. Thinking about the future just made my heart tie another knot. I wonder why that is. I hope I don't have anything worry about.
For I know that I have alot of great things to look forward to. I really do. Those who know me will know what we're talking about. How's that for cynical? Well. Wait.
I also know that there is alot of bad things that are coming up. Lots of stressful things. And thinking about them makes me feel bad. Really bad. It makes me not want to get up and do my homework. It makes me want to sit here and just surf the internet.
But there are the good things. Oh yes, there are the good things. My heart just untied itself. You probably think I'm making this up. I assure you that I am not. Wow.
Writing this sure helped me. I feel alot better right now. I think I'm going to go and do some stuff. Which reminds me. I really need some physical activity. That should relieve the stress.
A friend suggested that to me today. I want to thank that friend. And I want to thank you all for listening. You're not doing anything but you really are helping. And that makes me smile. 
