  RAMBLING INCOHERENCE by Jason Latour Well, it's another late Sunday nightor Monday morning, ratherand I have decided to write, the response to which I understand causes great rejoicing by the Iraqi people. Honestly I mean not to get into all that war talk again, but what doesn't cause the Iraqi people to rejoice anymore? It's like its free chalupa time at Taco Bell everyday, all day, over there now. Well, at least according to CNN, it is. I think what the Iraqi people need right now is some good service-station-brand ripple to celebrate with. I mean honestly, ripple is always cause for cheerespecially strawberry ripple.
Mmmm ripple... As long as I'm RAMBLING INCOHERENT-ly, I saw on Bill Mahr a while back that Texas is trying to increase the laws against sodomy in their statemaking it punishable by death or something ridiculous like that. For those of you that don't know, "sodomy" is defined as: "Any of various forms of sexual intercourse held to be unnatural or abnormal, especially anal intercourse or bestiality. " The notion of outlawing sodomy, is in my mind,ridiculous becausehonestlywho defines what is deviant and what's not? Some people might think letting the woman get on top or doing it "doggy" style is deviant. Or strapping on a Louisville Slugger and strangling your partner to the sound of Beethoven's Fifth symphony--- honestly, who among us hasn't wanted to donkey punch our lover now and then? It might be rude but it's certainly not illegal or immoral activity in my eyes.
Just stay away from the kids and barnyard animals and you're okay in my book, I guess. But that said, I would probably have sex with a cow, if it had a nice ass and some big sexy breasts... It brings up the age-old question of who defines what is immoral for another? Take for example myself. I'm the ripe old age of 26, which in my new found home of Gainesville, Florida, is looked upon as being about the equvialent of Yoda or that old guy with the booger finger from THE GOLDEN CHILD. Being a 26-year-old man in a town populated by beautiful, sexually ripe 1821-year-old women is hard on the constitution.
It's unbelievable. Now, I used to say, "I'd never touch a high school girl"which basically the freshmen girls around here still arebut when it's in your faceand I mean literally in your faceman, let's just say the temptation is GREAT. So great that it makes me want to grab a bottle of that aforementioned strawberry ripple and get REALLY REALLY REALLY schnauzelled. Because under the influence, we all know that it's okay to just say that you didn't know. But then you're entering Kobe Bryant territory and no one wants that. Ah, Kobe.
The whole thing is mind-numbingly stupid. I thought he was a giant idiot when I first heard he married a 19-year-old who was fresh out of high school. When you live in a world where fame and popularity determine sex status so mightily that Demi Moore is jumping Aston Kutcher, you just don't marry a 19-year-old girl (no matter how hot she is)! Then to make matters worse, once you get tired of that "old hag" you've got at home, you jump the first preteen beer-tub girl that slants you the sweet eye. And then he either forces her to have sex with him (when we all know that there are millions of hot young women out there who would do it for free) or he just gets way "too" freaky (based on the bruises and missing hairs and such) and she can't take it when he leaves. When you're in the the public eye you just don't do that stuff.
My advice to Kobe in the future is: if you can't keep in holstered then follow the lead of our mutual idol, Michael Jordan. Keep it on the DL with older women who know the deal. A 30-year-old basketball groupie isn't running home crying to her parentsno matter what happens. She's two-way paging her girlfriends to brag about the new Benzo she's pushing with the money you fronted her to keep quiet. Now I know this sounds hypocritical coming from me based on what I said earlier, but you have to realize that Kobe and I ain't exactly playing on the same ball field. He's in the majors and I'm slumming in the optimist league.
So, what did we learn today? That if if you're travelling to Texas and you have a pention for sex with underage barnyard life don't be a Kobekeep it on the down low! 
