  February 7, 2003 I guess I could apologize for not updating in so long, but what would be the point?
It's not like I'm really broken up over keeping y'all waiting. Let's just move along. I am still consumed by my desire to be the Domestic Superwoman. I find myself yearning for so many hobbies and activities - all of a Martha Stewart bent - that I'm beginning to see myself as a tad loopy. However, I will not let a little mental instability stand in the way of my dream! I picked up a class schedule for Jo-Ann's tonight and have decided to take two introductory quilting classes, plus a soap-making class.
I know it'll probably just be a glycerin-based soap, but it'll be a good start to learning to concoct and cure a "hard", lye-based soap. Call me a freak, but I always wanted to learn to make soap. And don't cock your head at me because I mentioned quilting. You don't see me as the quilting type? Well, that's probably because you're picturing traditional quilts, which of course I dislike.
I'd read an article eons ago (OK, I admit that it was an old issue of Martha Stewart Living...you can quit yer guffawing, now) about a woman who did the funkiest abstract quilts, and I knew I wanted to do just that. But since I know nothing about designing and cutting and piecing and all that crapola, I have to learn with the rest of the schmucks. After years and years of knitting classes, gaining confidence and learning to tackle damned near anything without the help of a teacher, now - I'd kind of forgotten what it's like to be the dolt who doesn't know her ass from a hole in the ground.
I suppose I'm about to get intimately reacquainted with that feeling. And I still want to do a little bit of work on the flowerbed this year, although I am smart enough to keep my plans very, very low-key. A couple of additions. A few tomato plants and some potted herbs. My only pipe dream is to grow some of these creepy grey pumpkins for Halloween fun. AND YES, THEY HAPPEN TO BE MARTHA STEWART SEEDS FROM KMART, SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT THE HELL UP, NOW? Nobody likes a smart ass, you know. On top of all this, what do I catch myself lingering over lovingly in Borders tonight?
An issue of Fine Homebuilding , with its glossy photos of detailed explanation. Saints preserve us. Now I'm aspiring to be Rosie the Riveter. I really need to learn to take things one at a time. Well, at least you won't catch me taking any "One-Stroke" painting classes to learn to smoosh acrylic paint pansies onto terra cotta pots and window boxes.
Even I have my line in the sand. Maybe I am trying to keep busy to focus on anything but how lousy I feel with this pregnancy. I am on a hair-trigger gag reflex. Henry and I were in TJ Maxx today and I had to pee so badly that I knew I could not ignore it. So I found the ladies' room and strolled Henry in with me. It didn't smell great, but it wasn't anything out of the ordinary, public restroom-wise.
However, I was barely able to escape without puking on my shoes. Barely. And it doesn't even have to be a gross smell or taste or anything that gets me going. I was all hormonal last night, thinking about lost loved ones like Rolf (of course) and a co-worker I particularly adored who died a few years back, and all of a sudden. I am gagging and choking and so close to hurling that I was amazed that I got it back under control. I will not be at all surprised if the child I am carrying is a girl, because this pregnancy is soooo different from the first time around. In addition, I am having serious misgivings all of a sudden about a repeat cesarean delivery. I was basically of no opinion on the matter for all this time, and now I really feel like I do not want to be cut open again in the worst way.
I do feel like my doctor is subtly pushing me toward having another c-section. Hey, why not? It would certainly be more convenient (and profitable) for him! Plus, Kim told me she's pretty sure Providence is re-opening the Birthing Center in NOVI! Which would be ridiculously close to home. I'm going to try to make all the calls to the insurance company and whatnot tomorrow and begin investigating my options.
I'll be perfectly happy to stick with my current doc if I decide on a c-section, after all. He was incredibly competent in that department. It's just that if I elect for a cesarean this time, then I cannot choose anything but a cesarean after that point. And being the control freak that I am, I never like the idea of choice being taken out of my hands. 
