  August 28, 2002 Jerry Seinfeld has written a children�s book about Halloween � and the oh-so-imaginative title? �Halloween.� Gag me with a lead pipe. For all the tens of thousands of wonderful, heartfelt classic books for children in all age categories, why does this piece of shit have to take center stage in the kid�s section of the bookstore? Before you snarl �J�accuse!� in my direction, I actually read the book the whole way through tonight. I gave the matter the appropriate respect and benefit of the doubt, so hush up now. Mama�s talkin�.
It�s written like a stand-up routine for adults, waxing nostalgic about Halloween from a kid�s perspective. The problem is that it�s only mildly funny (a too generous compliment, to be honest) when you�re an adult looking back on Halloween nights spent trick-or-treating. It�s a kids� book written by someone who has no idea how to write for children. I guess this was very evident to me because I�ve recently finished a book entitled �Dear Genius: The Letters of Ursula Nordstrom�, which is a collection of letters both from and to (but mostly from) the great UN. She was the Children�s Department Editor of Harper�s - the very first influential publishing figure in children�s literature, beginning at a time when no one considered books for children very important or artful, much less �literature�. Her influence can be seen in just about every major child�s classic you could name.
Reading that book has done me a world of good � it�s helped me be able to spot a core emotional truth in the books I choose for Henry, not to mention making a list a mile long of classics to add to my �Must Have� list for our home library. And let�s just say this stupid Seinfeld book did not cut the proverbial mustard. The only thing that stinker was cutting was a giant hunk of Stilton or Limburger. But, hey � Jerry Seinfeld�s a celebrity! A big star! Of course, we�d want a book by a Big Star for our littl�uns!
It�s full of nifty caricature illustrations of a wee Seinfeld and it even has a CD of the Big Star reading his very own text! Whoop-dee-fucking-do. When are we, as a collective society, going to shake off this tremendously stupid idol-worship? Could anything be lamer? Seriously. Give it some thought and try to tell me I�m wrong.
What a waste of time and energy and emotion and money. Go learn to bake bread, sew a quilt, grow tomatoes, fix a carburetor. Anything � just do something other than watch Access Hollywood while you thumb through In Style, OK? OK, that�s enough ranting for now. I have plenty to be happy about, anyway. Eug is on vacation and I actually got stuff done today: weeded a front shrubbery bed, did some laundry (and folded a veritable mountain of clean clothes), typed up a spreadsheet of clothing to be donated this week, including estimated values, and picked up some extra storage containers to pack away some of the little clothes Henry�s outgrown.
They were on sale at Target, so I bought a bunch of them, figuring I�d fill them up eventually. I bought a different color than the ones I have now, so that I�ll know just by looking at them that they contain kids� clothing. I know it�s going to get me all hormonal and misty-eyed, packing away the stuff H has already outgrown. Wondering if I�ll get another little boy to wear some of this stuff again. A little Linus. Tomorrow the weeding and yard cleaning continues, plus some mending.
I hate mending. Now that I refuse to iron anything, mending has taken the top spot on my �Most Loathed Chores� list. (Really � I never iron. I won�t buy or wear anything that requires ironing. Life is too damned short. Besides, I have not only embraced my inner slob, I have her in a death grip, which precludes wearing anything with a crisp line.
) I promised myself I would mend two things, and be done with it. Then I can walk away feeling like Queen of All I Survey. Parish council meetings have started, too. Have I told y�all how cute our priest is? I mean cute as in precious, not cute as in hottie � that would be inappropriate. Although he is a fine looking young man, make no mistake (I�m married, but I�m not BLIND ).
But he�s just the sweetest thing, and it�s no wonder everybody adores him. He�s the kind of priest where you get bummed just thinking about him ever leaving, because you know his poor replacement would pale in comparison. The council meetings will be fun and informative, to be sure. Sister M., our resident nun, is in attendance, too, and her presence alone makes me hum like a contented lap cat. Five minutes with that woman and you know there�s not a mean bone in her body � goodness is just comin� off her in waves. So, it�s another thing on my To Do list, but it�s also a good place to be.
And it�s a great excuse to bake things I shouldn�t have hanging around the house � yet another reason to look forward to doing my Catholic duty, heh heh. Another thing to be happy about is Super Mario Sunshine for the Nintendo GameCube. We�ve been waiting for this game since last November, and now it�s finally here! Eug and I have been playing like we�re both thirteen-year-old boys with nothing better to do. I�ve soaked up enough time with the game already so that the theme music is embedded in my brain. I suppose this is technically fiscally irresponsible of us, given that we�re only about halfway to being able to afford a $20K roof, but I don�t care.
I remember vividly being pregnant and wondering when they�d actually release this game. Now I�ve got it, and I�m going to love every minute of it. Our kids are going to have years of humble pie served to them in the video game department before they ever get good enough to rival the years of experience of their parents. A little humility will be good for them� OK, other than that all is well. Henry is getting cuter and cuter � his hair is kinda curly (courtesy of his Auntie P), and he�s pulling himself up into a full-fledged stand, too. Crawling is old news by now, and his two bottom teeth are all the way out.
He�s both independent and a snuggler, and he makes me all gooey inside, even still. In fact, I think it�s intensifying. Heaven help me. 
