  I should go to sleep, but I can't, and I don't want to. Been chatting w/ Loki and Mark, both at different phases of the same conversation. What happened, where did it go wrong, how to fix things. I pray every day things will get better, and if I could WILL them better, they would be.
I have that much will. But do I have the will to act? Hmmm. .. seems to be the crux of the problems. Loki suggests I write to Cyn. I think it's a good idea. I found something I wrote 10 years ago, I think it's what I want. A wise one once told me: "If it's just bodies, it's Not making love. It's having sex. If it's just minds, it's Friendship. If just souls, A connection. Until you merge all three my child, You're just going through the motions. THAT's what I want again. So how do I connect with someone who feels they've betrayed all of that?
. . .
I'm going to bed.
. . 
