  Ahh geez. These are too good not to show everyone The tiger can't change his spots. No, wait, he did! Good for him! Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet?
And also, you're drunk. I remember that fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I? " "Well," said Coach, "you never were really on the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times.
" It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought, something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on. I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men on a ship are looking for a whale. They look and look, but you know what? They never find him. And you know why they never find him? It doesn't say. The book leaves it up to you, the reader, to decide.
Then, at the very end, there's a page that you can lick and it tastes like Kool-Aid. Better not take a dog on the Space Shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up. When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven and pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, ummmm, boy. If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying. " And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did. " Okee dokies. I'm so done now. Later crazies. 
