  Back to the duality of man thing... Some shit went down Thursday. Got me extremely pissed off. Thought about smashing heads against the wall and all that. And then I started thinking about all the other shit that's happened to me over the years.
All the other bullshit. All the people who have taken advantage of me. All the people I've let take advantage of me. Hell, a guy tries to be nice. A guy sacrifices his own happiness for someone else. A guy can bit his tongue for only so long. A guy can only go so long with his balls squeezed between his legs like a bitch. It really fucking gets a guy down. And so Thursday night I thought about that scene in "American History X" where the guy puts the other guy's face on the curb and stomps on it.
Or a scene in the play "Danny and the Deep Blue Sea" where Danny's talking about he stomped a guy's chest and he heard something break. Yeah, sure it's a bit fucked to think these things. It really is. But I'm just thinking about them. I'm not out there doing it. I've been writing it about it the whole weekend to try and flush some of this fucking anger and resentment out of my system. And it's working a bit. And getting drunk helps for a few hours. But in the morning it's there again. But let me say I'm a peaceful guy. I really am. I'm a lover not a fighter. Then the toss in the fact that I got mugged a few blocks from house.
Got punched in the jaw, shoved on the ground and my wallet stolen a few weeks ago. Jesus, all this shit instills evil in a guy. Jesus, I think I just need a weekend alone in the woods of Vermont. Just listen to Bach, read and think happy thoughts. 
