  ¿ What the hell am I talking about?  After writing the following,  I had zero idea what it really was about…  but there were lots and lots of words there and I didn’ t really want to delete them.
 I mean they worked so hard to make me happy.  So there they are…  yeah.  If you can figure out what the hell I was writing about,  leave me a clue and a NEW title for this rant in the guestbook.  First 5 relevant responses get posted in my next piece “
 So THAT’ S what I was talking about,  Willis!  ”  Meantime,  enjoy the nonsense…
 -  I’ m not a big dicked- white woman chasing- malt liquor drinking- rap music listening-
break dancing,  drug dealing- white man hating- brotha from da mutha fuckin streets”  Doesn’ t that suck?
 I mean don’ t it?  …  Today’ s grimy episode isn’ t about much of anything including blackness or whiteness although God knows that I could go on writing for months on that topic alone.
 However,  if I were bound to label it,  this would be about you people who take offense to everything.  This goes out to those who hate everyone and everything and everything about everything and anything.  This love note is addressed to that darling flock of morons that we all know at least one of ( and no I’
m not talking about those kids on the short bus)  and the ideology that they use.  This lil’  tidbit is for you,  America…  land of the free,
 home of the brave…  land where ski and don’ t own no slaves…  lan…  ( lame…
 stopping there)  It’ s been written about at least sixty thousand times ( in sixty- thousand term papers,  newspapers,
 and English papers)  by author’ s who are no older than last week’ s “ Yo mamma so fat”  jokes.
 Somehow they feel that they can buck against the norm and become some quasi- hippie coolness guru by being opposed to the concept of coolness altogether while simultaneously showing mom that she can’ t rule their lives by shifting their little underdeveloped social “ gears”  into reverse and lashing out against everything and everyone that has the slightest tinge of “ trendy”
 You know…  because it’ s the cool thing to do.  These poor bastards have little to no opinion except the opposite of what you think.  Sad,  angry,
 wanna be- vigilantes “ saluting”  their Brittany Spears and Denise Richards posters with their left hands while typing whinny opinion articles under pseudonyms like “ eXtReMe SK8Tz”  and “
aNaRcY ReIgNs”  with their right hands.  ( I realize that attacks opinion articles in my very own opinion article is ironic at best and hypocritical at worst…  I’ ll leave it to you to sort out how you feel about that…
 Sorry Jr.  Contrary to the ever popular handbook “ How to Score with Hot 80’ s Babes”  and it’ s counter part “
How to Pick Up Killer Chicks with Huge Racks who TOTALLY PUT OUT”  girls don’ t dig guys with scabs on their palms due to “ practicing”  for “ the big night”
 Settle down,  Jr.  You’ d think that Ed McMahon was somewhere between the sheets with a score card and a goofy oversized check for ten million bucks and a life insurance policy.  But I digress…  At some point in the early 90’
s,  it became inappropriate to be honest.  For example,  in 1989 I could call homeless gay black midgets ( with clubbed feet,  lazy eyes and HIV)
 fucking gimped out freaks of nature whose sole purposes were:  ( a The amusement of those of us who are not infirmed And ( b A life of eternal servitude as crash test dummies,  “ living cadavers”
 lab rats,  and others such odd stations that further the advancement of human technology when we tire of their freakish exploits I could say this all…  without much fear of the dreaded “ PC police”  Today if I breathe wrong in the vicinity of a mule who’ s owner once read about a movie in a magazine which has an article written by a Jew,
 I’ m not only called a racist,  but I’ m showered with a host of other brutally misused buzzwords which further clarify the injustices played out by myself upon an unsuspecting innocent.  Fuck off.  If I were to insult a Jew (
or anyone for that matter)  I’ d be a shitload more bitter and creative.  It’ s as if we’ re only allowed to use marshmallow words.
 Television is certainly no help.  Let’ s ignore the talk shows with their herded audiences screaming about morality and decency to neo- fascist transgender Satan worshipers and focus a bit on these court shows.  What kind of madness is this?  Didn’
t we create enough uneducated justice nuts in the days when Judge Wapner wielded the gavel?  Now we want to pour more losers into the mix by bringing in a host of newer psuedo- judges?  And is it me or is it a requirement to have a 19 in metal rod jammed deep into one’ s ass before he/ she/
it can host one of these “ shows”  Judge Mills Lane apparently took one too many on the chin and hasn’ t “ left the ring”  and I’
d venture to guess that Judge Judy was never hugged by her dad as a child…  well maybe a special “ sausage”  hug.  And the ass- backward trailer trash that they allow on these shows?
 oh my…  and you thought your prom date was a loser…  Apparently a double digit IQ is cause for immediate disqualification as a candidate for the show.  They definitely were skimming the shallow end of the gene pool for these winners.  No no,  Peggy-
Bob.  The squirrel fucking Marxist grave- robbing necrophiliacs are wanted on the Springer set…  those guys are MUCH too classy for Judge Joe Brown.  Need I even mention Jerry Springer?  I didn’
t think so.  I could pull a better final thought out of Ricki Lake’ s ass with Montel Williams’ s tongue.  Granted,  the last 3 paragraphs really didn’
t help solidify my point at all.  I know this.  And,  fact,  I don’ t much agree with what I just typed.
 It sorta shlunked out of me like so much poo.  Such is the nature of a rant.  Get over it.  Back to the point…  Somehow we’ ve spawned a new breed of opinionless zombies who worship their televisions and their children.
 Don’ t judge!  Don’ t offend!  Don’ t assert!
 God forbid I should be against gun control or abortion.  Hell,  for that matter,  God forbid I should believe in anything contrary to mainstream opinion.  I mean,  then I’
d be taking a stand…  I’ d be myself…  I’ d ACTUALLY be an individual with an opinion…  The word individual has been so horribly bastardized that it no longer brings names like Socrates to mind.
 Instead ( and I’ m not making this up)  I think of a box of ho- ho’ s-
 all individually wrapped for freshness.  I could go on forever but I doubt that I’ d ever be able to make my case so here it is in a nutshell.  Turn of the idiot box and try a book ( you know,  those funny looking things that you’
re always banning and burning)  take a stand,  it’ s ok.  People are supposed to disagree…  it’
s what makes the world go ‘ round.  and finally,  don’ t shun the masses of brainwashed self- deluded hippie hopefuls who have anestitised themselves (
and likely others)  to the harsh yet satisfying reality that we aren’ t all different or all the same.  We are ourselves if we ever choose to be those people.  Period.  Take a good look at yourself and try your best to emulate that person.
 Trust me.  You’ ll be all the more grateful.  - Dexter Otis Green Well there you have it.  tell me what the fuck this was about (
if anything)  and give it a new title while you're at it.  and remember .  the first 5 relevant responses get posted in my next piece “  So THAT’ S what I was talking about,
 Willis!  ”  D. O. G.  -
fin 
