  “Hungry?” And Other Ridiculous Questions and Notions III: Don’t they know I’m as cool as a fan? I like beer. …a lot … Maybe too much but… well that’s beside the point for now. I’ve been boozing it up for years now and for the most part I can’t complain. Booze is a cheap lil’ vacation in a bottle and I’ve spent the better part of my college career “traveling”. No worries – I now know that, though Scotland is a great place to visit damn near anytime time of year (so long as you have the stomach for it).
Russia isn’t some place you’d want to be very often. It gets a little dangerous. Mexico is right out. But enough of my booze euphemisms. Before I became the respectable lush that I am today, I was quite the glassy eyed pothead. I loved pot more than life itself.
Granted, I was 14 when I took that first magic toke of smoke – stands to reason that I, like so many disillusioned youth, hated life… hell I would go as far as to say that I loved :::insert school lunch menu item here::: more than life. Anywho… [ don’t they know I’m as cool as a fan? ] I smoked pot by the bale and, after a time, came to wonder about other drugs. I had always wondered about all drugs; cocaine, heroin, PCP, ecstasy – all of that fun stuff and more. I only delayed experimenting because of the lies my teachers had told me about what happens to people that do drugs. You’ve all heard them before and probably still believe the garbage they filled you with.
:::chuckle::: It’s hogwash but, for once, I won’t go the route of attempted enlightenment. Research for yourself the truth about drugs and what they can and can not do to your body… and your life for that matter. Suffice it to say that most people that use drugs recreationally or habitually live normal happy lives. The broken minority, however, gets all the press… So be it…. I lost my fear of drugs entirely because of pot. After smoking pot, I found out that pot, at least, most likely wouldn’t kill me… ever… Ever.
I defy any of you readers to tell me of a death or serious injury directly related to pot. They are few and far between… and I guarantee the numbers for booze and cigarettes are hundreds of times higher. Too bad our forefathers didn’t think to market all kinds of poison, eh? [ I’m not your average Joe. ] Anywho, pot freed me from fear that had been imposed upon me by my lying teachers and their lying books and pamphlets. Had I more cash (and were I a little braver and younger), I’d certainly give a number of drugs a try.
Here they are in no particular order: urlLink Shrooms Shrooming is at the top of my list of things to do… by which I mean after I’ve gotten over my seemingly irrational “fear” of them. In all honesty, I think I’m more excited than afraid though I certainly am a little apprehensive about having a bad trip. I do hope, though, that one day this fear will have dissipated thus making my palette a prime target for those shadow grown dreamweavers. I’m dying for a taste of that secret knowledge. [ I’ll be anything you need ] urlLink Cocaine I want to know what all the buzz is about. Coke used to be such a cool drug back in the 80’s.
I mean nothing was more rock star than doing lines off of a hooker’s ass before a show. If you want my opinion, I think Don Johnson and Cindy Lauper fucked it up for the rest of us. Now coke has more or less become a Wall Street drug. Hell, even shitty models and porn stars don’t snort anymore… which is a shame because I’ll bet that’s how they managed the waif look. [ Play the game ] urlLink Heroin You read that right. I want to take a ride on the “H” train.
And, thanks to some creative junkies, you don’t have to inject heroin all up in your arm-piece :::turntable scratch:::. That’s right! You can snort that shit, B! So that rocks. But I have more experience with smoking than anything else and heroin is smokable as well so... I mean there you go.
I’m mostly worried about addiction and being able to “handle my high”. As far as addiction goes, though, I’m already riding one helluva snake with nicotine… which beats heroin hands down in the dependency department Interesting heroin factoid: An estimated 25 to 40% of street users are not physically dependent Now that's something to think about. If heroin were cooler and had less of a back-alley junkie vibe, I’d probably have given it a whirl already. As it stands now, I just don’t have the cash or the drive. [ Can’t nobody break my stride ] urlLink PCP/Ketamine I have no idea what they do and, quite frankly, I don’t care. Who among you readers can boast having done up the night with PCP?
I sure as hell can’t. And Special K? Man oh man! The name alone is more enticing than Shannon Elizabeth in that pie fucking movie. I sho’ ‘nuff want me some o’ that! But seriously, I think what draws me to PCP (or Ketamine [special K]… a weaker and less toxic version of PCP) is the mystery of it all.
What’s it do? My pals at Thegooddrugsguide.com had this to say: ”At low doses, K is a mild if weird stimulant. At medium to high doses, it becomes a very powerful paralysing psychedelic. It effects are like a combination of cocaine, cannabis, opium, Nitrous Oxide, and alcohol.” …I mean so there you go right there. [ Suddenly life has new meaning to me ] urlLink LSD :::ahem::: The most powerful mind-altering substance known to man. I think I’m done here.
[ Meet me in outer space ] I’m really in search of a step down from nicotine… something a little… I dunno… sexier, you know? Nicotine is so bromidic… so cliche… so damn uninspiring. I need a drug with a bit more oomph, a little more class, and a hell of a lot more sass. A drug I can bring home to mama. A back alley drug with high class appeal. An uptown drug with downtown sensibilities… a girl-next-door drug with leather dungeon fantasies… dig?
A missionary position drug with “knee pad” capabilities if you catch my drift. Right now, I’m pretty much waiting for prices to level off before I start investing. That or I’ll just have to wait until I’m a rock star… fucking slurping LSD out of a hooker’s bellybutton while taking a liquidy dump in her face… only a matter of time. Don’t be afraid of drugs. Be honest with yourself and explore your curiosity about altered states and mind expansion. …and if you’ve got the hook-up for “china white”, you know who to call :::business card::: -- Dexter Otis Green 
