  Well, I just got an email from the advocates of fair and equal time in political advertising saying that my previous piece "10 reasons why Nazis are better than Republicans" must be accompanied by a similar piece detailing the faults of the Democratic party so that the voters can have an informed ::cough, cough:: basis on making important ::cough, cough:: voting decisions.
So now, I present the companion article, all about why Democrats blow. 1) They hate successful people. If you got rich in this country, you did so by exploiting the poor, women, and minorities. They further spread their hatred by insisting that they be taxed much more highly from their patently ill-gotten gains to compensate for their evil oppression of all people. 2) They love taxes. If they could tax you on the number of times you have sex per week, they would. If they were fucking you in the asshole, they'd insist on paying an extra fee for giving you a reach-around. They also love to spend the taxes they take from you. If they can find a way to spend taxpayer dollars on useless programs, they spend it.
3) They talk all about how they're the party that cares about women, minorities, labor, and the poor. Yet, when you see the roster of states that carry the most Democratic support, they're the states that are filled with the most rich white folks. When you see a Democrat on the floor of Congress, or in the Presidency, the chances are almost inifinitely in favor of him being a rich white guy. Even when you see them on political stops shaking hands and kissing babies, the hands and babies are almost universally white. And usually men. And probably rich. 4) They call themselves the party who loves the environment, and supports foreign aid for the development of the third world.
But tell them to stop drinking the Starbucks lattes, driving the gas guzzling Hummers from home to the corner grocery, wearing the sweatshop Nikes while playing tennis, and eating condor egg omelettes with spotted owl sausage, and they get all indignant. 5) They're in favor of personal freedoms, but watch get them get a big ol' legal hard on when some stoner gets caught with half an ounce of pot and gets sentenced to twenty years in prison.
They think anyone should be given a second chance to reclaim their broken lives if they get into prison, then they mandate that anyone convicted of a felony can't vote, or that getting convicted of a sexual crime means that they're put on a giant registry that can be accessed by anyone at any time, and that their neighbors need to be informed every second they take a step outside their front door. 6) They call themselves the "liberal" party, but condemn both socialism and laissez-faire economic policies. In other words, they're liberals as long as you don't trouble yourself with any definitions of what "liberal" actually means.
7) They love having a big federal government, with lots of bureaucracy, which is responsible for most of the legislation and regulation of the government. Because, you know, no horrifically tyrannical monarchy ever kept itself entrenched by having a massive system of bureaucrats and ministers centralized in one location, and a series of laws and regulations that were arcane and unreadable by anyone except themselves... 8) They're damned dirty evil commie librul hippies. I know this directly contradicts several of my points above, but it needed to be said. 9) Did I mention taxes? While I was typing the above 8 points, I had to pay fifty cents in tax to pay for some congressional kid's 10 pack a day Bazooka habit. Or, more likely, to pay for his next junket to investigate the tourism trade in Barbados. So, Democrats suck too.
If anyone needs more proof of this fact, remind yourself that the last three Democratic presidents were (1) a lying sleazeball from the South who cheated on his wife, abused the authority of his office, and that's before he even got into the White House, (2) a good ol' Southern boy who mired the country in its worst war ever, using an excuse flimsier than Victoria's Secret lingerie, and (3) a hopeless idealist who probably wouldn't have been able to even cut it as the president of a peanut farm. And if you need more evidence: George McGovern. Walter Mondale. Michael Dukakis. The defense rests. The King, out! 
