  The World's Worst Summer Job Phone Interview LAWYER Hello, is this Student? STUDENT Mom? LAWYER No. This is Richie Rich from Rich, Rich, and Rich Associates. We set up this phone interview for a summer job, remember? STUDENT No.
I don't. But that's okay. LAWYER Is now a good time? STUDENT Yes, it's perfect. Let me just turn the volume down on the adult video I'm watching. (the rest of the line originally read "...and pull up my pants" but I thought that was too graphic.
) LAWYER Yes, why don't you do that. STUDENT What firm did you say you were with? LAWYER Rich, Rich, and Rich Associates. You can just call us Rich for short. STUDENT I'm so excited about the possibility of working for your firm. I really want to be in New York for the summer.
LAWYER Our office is in Stockholm. STUDENT Yes, that's what I meant. LAWYER So what made you apply to Rich Associates? STUDENT Well, I was definitely most influenced by the fact that your firm and its contact information was in the mail merge file I downloaded. LAWYER Oh. STUDENT And of course the work you do.
LAWYER Like for example? STUDENT That work you do. On behalf of those companies. And the litigation they're involved in. LAWYER Could you be any more specific? STUDENT No, I'd rather not.
LAWYER I see. I noticed on your resume -- right next to the blood stain -- that you're very involved with the Target Shooting Club. STUDENT Yes. I love target shooting. I like it even better without the targets. LAWYER I was wondering how your interest in target shooting is related to your interest in our firm.
STUDENT Well, target shooting can hurt people, and, well, so does your firm. LAWYER That's actually a fantastic answer. STUDENT I know. I used it in a previous interview and got a great reaction so I figured I'd add it to the piece of paper with all of my standard answers that I'm currently reading off of. I can move to question 6 now, if you'd like. About my work on the Journal of Cheese.
LAWYER I can't say I'm familiar with the latest in cheese law. STUDENT Neither am I. I'm only on the journal because it looks good on my resume. In fact, that's why I do everything that's listed there. To tell you the truth, I don't even go to class -- but listing my courses on my resume still looks pretty freaking awesome, don't you think? Corporations? Tax?
Bankruptcy? It makes me look so knowledgeable! It's wonderful! LAWYER Yes, I noticed all of those courses. I was wondering about references. You didn't send me a sheet with any professors I can call.
STUDENT Yeah, I know. I couldn't get any to agree to say good things about me. But I'm happy to give you the phone number of my parole officer. Just don't tell him where I am. LAWYER I thought I'd end by telling you a little bit about the work you'd be doing as a summer associate. STUDENT No, that's ok. Every firm is the same.
I already know what you're going to say. LAWYER Great! Well, it's been a delight talking to you this afternoon. STUDENT Yes, same here. I look forward to hearing from you after you've made the hiring decisions. LAWYER Yes, I'll be sure to drop a form letter in the mail twelve weeks after the summer ends.
Best of luck. STUDENT Say hello to your wife for me. (end) 
