  Pills 'N Sauce Last night was the worst. I can't really describe how I felt. NUMB maybe? Extra tired and emotionally raped. So I needed immediate solitude. As if to go inside of a pod and not come out until you were "done". I felt like I was in a mental urlLink prison because I cared. But I didn't like urlLink who I had become . I hated where my heart was versus where my head was. They just didn't click so I decided to shut down, not reboot, but shut all the way down.
So for dinner I had a urlLink pill and urlLink chased it. Not very smart I know, but trust me...I used to live by this behavior so I was cool with passing out. My nap, unfortunately only lasted like an hour or more because my phone kept ringing. I can't even pass out properly cuz my dumb ass forgot to turn the ringer off. Although I do not claim that this behavior is smart or safe, I need a "minute" fast! If I hadn't, I probably would've had a breakdown something fierce! I would've gone out like a madwoman so I chose to slumber with a little help. Some of you may think this is sick, but I don't really give a poot.
I just know that when I wanted to "check out" temporarily, I meant it. Keyword: temporarily. For all of you nutball paranoid freaks, I didn't plan on pulling a Marilyn or a Dorothy. I just wanted to pull my famous Nona. Got Pills? Then pass out bitch!!!!! By the way, I eventually went back to sleep after crying for over an hour, dumping my problems on my roommate (thanks Tini!!!!). I woke up this morning feeling like the lead chick from Alien when she finally realized she was alive.
But instead I felt like the walking dead. I don't know what's better...feeling like the walking dead or actually being a suffering live person. I do know this, I'm glad "checking out" temporarily was an option. And I can't even express the love and appreciation I have for my roommate. I love her to death. 
