  Thowin' 'Em Back Again, I was a drunken fool. First, Evermean, my boss and I go to the area bar and chug back a few while kicking the Willie Bobo with our favorite bartender (who's cute as a button). We stayed a little past happy hour and then Evermean and I ventured out to my sister's bday dinner (prepared by my brother). My dayumed brother actually cooked dinner, the whole meal! LOL If that wasnt funny enough, my family did it again! Acted a dayumed fool. Let's take my grandma for instance. Just like before, her and Evermean were kee kee'ing on the couch about how she found a new boyfriend. Okay, something's wrong here. MY GRANDMA IS STILL PIMPIN'? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I SAY... NO!! First of all, she aint tell anybody else. But she chose to share this shit with Evermean about how she may go to Atlantic City with this new beau for her 70th bday.
My grandma aint goin nowhere, cuz Imma tell my momma! Fuck that! Grandma aint going out of the state with some bozo we haven't met yet. Naw grandman, aint happenin'..lol Grandma and Evermean sat on the couch the entire time while I threw a few back with my sister and brother. In addition to cooking, my brother bought my sister a bottle of Moet and what would that be wiffout Alize (aw lawd..i drank that shit).
I drank a huge Big Gulp cup of Moet, Alize, and OJ. Gone yall. Gone. So my dad (bless his heart) decides to come over to me and start harrassing me AGAIN. Telling me funny stories about the what-had-happened-wuz that I missed. He tells me that he and my mom go to one of his best friend's daughter's weddings (a Paki family). Note: My dad's circle of friends looks like the UN...lol. Never being at a Paki wedding before, my dad tells me that my mom had a hard time adjusting to the food selections. My dad, on the other hand, will eat anything that isn't pork or beef. I'm sitting at the table buzzed and he continues to tell me how my mom (man I love her) hooked up with one of the women there and got something from the lavish buffet. Why yall? Why did my dad let her go free? She comes back and tells my dad how good the chicken is.
My dad laughs cuz he knew it wasn't chicken...it was goat. So instead of freaking out (being rude), my mom continues to munch on the stewed goat. So after he tells me this story, I walk over to my mom to tease her about eating goat (my mom's a meat snob) and she goes, "Nah man...it wasn't the meat, I loved that goat gravy!". Me and my dad hit the floor right there. Both of our big asses fell out laughing. I know my mom DID NOT say (proudly, I might add) ...GOAT GRAVY.
I'm thinking..please oh please lawd..tell me that my mom didn't call it goat gravy at the wedding. PLEASE!!!!! So right before they left my brother's house, my dumbassed dad goes, "Make sure you go hug The Goat Lady" (referring to my mom). My poor parents, I love them man. I swear I'd be lost if I didn't have those two clowns..lol.
My grandma left with my parents. As she's putting on her coat and gathering her things, I notice a brown paper bag by her purse. When I get closer, I realize that my grandma has a bottle of wine in a fucking brown paper bag with the top of the bag all crumpled and twisted just like she just came outta the alley. I'm like, "Grandma! Please don't leave this house with booze in a brown paper bag! Please! " Why did she snatch the bottle (still in the bag), roll her eyes and tell me that she was a grown damned woman and she'll pack her liquor any way she wanted to. I surrendered. Totally. Once Evermean and I finally got back to her house later that night, I begin to complain about my grandma's behavior.
To make matters worse, Evermean told me that my grandmother told her a story about how she was pulled over by the cops (on foot) and they tried to make her open her mouth (im guessing they thought she hid drugs there) and she basically told them to fuck off and kept on stepping. All the while she's telling Evermean that she don't fuck wiff da fuzz. That was it. I'd had it. Drunk, got urlLink Hammered (pun intended), then ..nite nite for Nona (sigh) 
