  ON A TRIP: My first time I watched a garbage truck look as though it was EATING A DUMPSTER. That same time we were chilling out in a park at 3am and as we became surrounded by them, we found it was funnier to refer to them as "wildlife" and not "animals" or "ducks. " One time a friend of mine didn't know where he ended and the rug floor began. One time a friend of mine and myself laughed ourselves silly repeating "THE BATHTUB IS ALSO THE DOORSTOP" One time we walked from our house in downtown Grand Rapids up the freeway on ramp that had been shut down the day before. We proceeded to walk down GR's illustrious "s-curve" since the cars had all been detoured. We got to a large chasm in the middle of the concrete structure over the city and decided it was a good time to turn back. After all, we had already proven that it wasn't shaped like an S at all. One time my friend couldn't even talk and when he pointed at his feet the other guy with us said "I think M*** just realized that he has feet. " M*** pointed at us and shook his head 'yes. ' One time we went into Meijer and hunted each other with water squirt guns until they made us leave. One time we couldn't stop laughing in the bathroom at 12 Oaks because the guy in the stall kept asking us to STOP LAUGHING IT ISN'T FUNNY. One time I had the fourth dimension explained to me with a shaker of salt. One time I left the coney island as 3 cop cars pulled up. They thought I pulled a breaking and entering. They left us alone after making me throw a metal bowl and some smokables down into the sewer.
One time I laid down under an oak tree and watched the helicopter leaves falling from above for hours. One time we fell asleep together after a Phish show in Indianapolis. Awoken by the sound of the alarm as she's screaming "TURN OFF THE ALARM CLOCK" I sit up.. decide I am still tripping.. and I inform her that it's not the alarm clock on fire, it's the plastic television case we left the candles burning on that is causing the fire alarm to blare.
One time M*** climbed a flag pole because he wanted to and I had to watch. One time we stared at the wall and the world melted away. One time I decided that I could rob a bank if I wore a hat because no one could recognize me without my hair. One time C**** fought with 6 police officers and got beaten to the ground. One time everyone stood on the rails of the World Trade Center observation deck and were declared "The Highest High People In New York.
" One time I threw the phone out the 5th floor window so M*** in the grass could talk to D****** on the phone. It smashed into the 2nd floor window. Fortunately, I knew the people in that room. I found out a week later they were also very messed up that night and freaked out when they all thought something hit the window but couldn't see anything since I had pulled the phone cord to retrieve the phone before they looked outside. D****** still tells people I threw her out of a 5th floor window. One time M*** got really mad because we walked for what seemed like ages to reach a brick structure he wanted to sit inside of and as we got within feet of it a sprinker went off and squirted right where he wanted to sit.
One time my cousin called and asked me to fill in a shift at the Taco Bell he was managing. I explained that I was watching the walls move. He assured me that I would have to do minimal work such as dishwashing and filling little nacho bags full of nachos.
I went in. I kept screaming that the water in the sink was a whirlpool that was going to suck me in. I dumped a whole can of salsa into the trash because it looked really neat as it slid out. Everyone thought I was retarded. You can imagine their surprise when I kept on working there for a year and never again acted like I did the first day. One time I walked 20 miles to a Steak and Shake through cornfields in Indiana because I had no one to hang out with and it sounded like a good idea. It was actually really great (except for the haunted looking house I had to walk by) and I took a cab home at the perfect time.
As I got there, the person in the tent waiting for me was 5 minutes away from being ready to leave back to Michigan. One time I watched Pulp Fiction upside down at the State Theatre. I laid down in front the screen and look back at it. I decided my brain would flip the image to make it right like it does when you are a baby and you are born with vision upside down. It didn't work. (Which is actually good because I ended up driving later which would have been hard if my vision was upside down. ) One time we stared into the glass of Yuppy Puppy Daycare Center and decided that it had to be a hallucination. One time we were hanging out in a park and a car alarm sounded like helicopters surrounding us as it said words like "You are in a restricted area" "Step away from the vehicle.
" "You are not authorised to be here. " One time I noticed that the platform we returned to from earlier was NOT the one that would take us BACK to Long Island. It would take us to New Jersey. VERY LOUDLY on this New Years Eve in 1998 I proclaimed "I think these trains go to New Jersey. We don't want to go to New Jersey. Hell, I bet all these people going there now don't WANT to go there but they HAVE to because they live there.
" We quickly left after this statement. One time Pat noticed we weren't just high this time around. One time Jason stood on the table at Denny's in Farmington and the only thing that made him sit down was when we said "Jason, you're standing on the table at Denny's in Farmington pointing to faces the wood grain forms and telling everyone about it.
" One time I went swimming and when I went into the bathroom to get changed I hallucinated myself into the leach scene in Stand By Me. One time I figured out how everything works together. ***** The rules: &#149;If you think you can fly, always start from the ground.. &#149;Whoever is tripping always gets their way, even if sober people have to drive somewhere they don't want to just to see a sunrise or get a slurpee. &#149;Pop Rocks are too much for the mind to handle. &#149;No matter how well you plan the next day, you will always end up trying to function on 2.34 hours of trip-sleep (read: tossing and turning until you blink and it's morning. ) &#149;If the windshield wipers are on and it's not raining, you shouldn't be driving. 
