  somedays you just start to wonder why. why things are the way they are, and a thousand other whys.
once again i feel as if i am five asking my mom over and over 'why? ' most days i don't care why, i avoid the subject infact, b/c it spins me flying into a ditch of negative thoughts. and even more not fun moods. i don't get how it all works. how one day everything is fine and dandy, and the next you just wish that there were no days at all.
wouldn't it all be easier if there just wasn't anything. i hate it some much! i sound like i am going to kill myself or just really pmsy, which by the way i am neither. but right now i just really don't want to be HERE. where would i rather be?...no where. just the absence of me. a break from everything and everyone. every little thing is just making it worse. i try to pull my self out of this 'funk' but it's not working and i don't know what it will take. last night when i was talking to ian he made a good point 'have to have the bad times to recognize the better times.
' yeah thats nice and all, but why am i having a bad time!? i don't even know what is wrong, i don't know why i don't feel like myself. ughhh, i just want to fall asleep and never wake up again, i want to stay in my dreams, where nothing makes sence and none of it is real. this whole 'real world' thing is sucking butt right now. 
