  I've come to the conclusion that I really suck at playing the piano. i have no sense of rhythm or of beauty. Really I just can't do it. I can't play very well. I always want to go fast, I wonder if i even pay attention to dynamics. My hands don't flow and neither does the music. It's all so very awful. Then Im suppose to play with these really talented people.
I wouldn't want to embarrass them and me like that. I am a nervous wreck and i just really cant play. Sure my half assed way of hitting the right notes is ok but it's not good for anything professional or anything that involves people. OY, I am a horrible untalented person. OY oy 
