  Clunky heels. The best invention since leather pants. I witnessed the most unique and effective use of a pair of clunky heels last night that I have ever seen. It was later in the evening, probably around 1 or so, the time where it gets to be a bit too hectic running around with a tray table to table, and I was tending bar at the far end.
A couple found their way through the crowd and magically found seats at the bar right in front of me. He was the slick, looks like he has more money than he actually does, sleazeball kind of good looking guy. She was the typical trash that accomanies those sorts, she had a good size frame, and clearly worked out.
She was drinking a beer out of a bottle (another fine weapon), talking to her girlfriend who they apparently met there, when she turned and noticed her boyfriend (apparently his name was Asshole...) eyeing up some little number on the dance floor. If my memory serves me correctly, she was one of those same girls who complained a few nights ago about being harrassed. He was talking close to her and happened to lean over and kiss her (yep, you read that right). Well Baby (that's what he kept calling her...) litterally lost her mind, turned and grabbed the girl by the arm, and snapped at him. The conversation went something like this: Baby: Did you just kiss my man? DID you JUST kiss MY man? Tramp: Yeah. If that's yo man, then he just kissed me. Baby: (looking at her friend) This bitch is stupid enough to admit it! (Looking back to Tramp) Get your skanky ass outta here before I choke you with that rubber band you call a skirt! ((At this point the tramp leaves and heads to the other end of the bar and Asshole is getting all irritated, like she had no right to do that)) Asshole: Oh, that's nice. You feel better? I was just sayin hello to an old friend and you loose your mind like that. Baby: I KNOW you ain't talkin to me... That tramp wasn't anyone you know and I HOPE you don't think you're commin home with me!
Your tired ass is walkin home. (here, she slammed her glass on the bar, more of a mess for me to clean up...) Asshole: Aww Baby, why you gotta act like a bitch? Baby: Bitch? BITCH? (At this point she reached down whipped off the clunky heeled shoe she was wearing, held it by the toe end and CRACKED Asshole on the side of the head with the heel)) Now ain't THAT a bitch!
I wanted to call the cops but I was laughing so hard I could barely catch my breath. The guy was completely flustered and moved to a dark booth and ordered a cup of ice for the huge goose egg on the side of his head and Baby apparently went home with someone else. Ahh, the joys of working at a club. I need to get myself a pair of those shoes... 
