  I just finished watching "My life without me", whoa, you want to talk about a powerful movie. Full of emotion, heartbreak,games and pure life. urlLink My life without me Watching this movie I have looked back on life with a new lease on ideas. But the sad part about it is im not sure how long this feeling will last. Have you ever watched a movie that made you cry, and want to change your life.
You have such passion about it at this time between the ride home and when you wake up, but soon after you slip right back into your normal living slot. I have seen and heard about the death that surrounds the dreaded word cancer. My boss has been forced into retirement and now cant seem to remember his name on occasion from all the morphine. Two aunts of mine and my grandma died from cancer. (breast cancer and lung cancer) I watched them die for hours and days, its horrible, it allows you to suffer and think about if you brought it on yourself.
And here I sit and smoke a pack a day, what is wrong with me. I don't want to quit that's the problem, I like them. And for that reason I am scared that quitting will not work for me. damn. I will quit and soon, I have to at least try, right? I am so worried that I can quit now and my lungs look like new, then when I am 35 the doctor says I have cancer from years early.
Is there any escape? people that don't smoke, get cancer. We are looked down upon in public, you may not notice because you do not pay attention. The way people go out of there way to get around you and your habit if you are lit up. The "no smoking" signs seem to push you more and more away from the buildings. The "WE ID" signs screaming at you in the grocery and convient stores. We are "litter bugs" because of our butts. The no smoking in bars anymore. WHAT? I say have smoking and non smoking bars, its your choice what bar you go too right?
Why don't they just make them illegal, ill tell you why, because more people would be in jail, and you know how bad they are already crowded. You know a cigg is worth way more than an ass whooping in jail too! Back in the 20s it was sexy to smoke. Yeah sure we may not have known JUST how bad they were, but they knew it was not a bowl of fruit either.
eh. Who am I kidding, I just need to quit because I don't want to be without the people that I love and to not be able to live life. I don't want a time limit on life..... Mom wants me to come over this weekend for a party that she is having at her house. I don't want to break it to her that I might go see daddy. I really need to! Thomas is coming in town this weekend to watch Kill Bill II, and I will not be here.
Sorry Thomas, IM sure you will enjoy the movie all the while. Blake, my dear Blake I am sorry that I have been so busy, but I know you understand. List of things to do: Need to check oil in car Pluck eyebrows paint toenails and fingernails burn some cds work on Isobel's potty training harder read a good book like "Tuesdays with morrie" clean room some more read more cultural literacy wash hair get some rest blow everyone kisses 
