  Will my life ever get back on track? Not only was my dentist appt last week not a good one, but today about an hour ago, my tooth in the front of my mouth chipped! Fuck, no money, more problems. Trying my hardest to stay on top of the smile, instead of falling down beneath one.
Its getting harder, no matter what i seem to do to take my mind off it. Im scared to eat, scared that i might break something else. Hey, perhaps this will be a way that i can also lose weight! hell, i dunno. Today i went to Amber's Dad's funeral, so i guess it wasnt a good day from the start. But i had to be there for her, as i hope that she would be there for me.It was a sad day of teary eyes, looks that are not natural, and clouds that filled the sky, temping to rain.
The sad letters that were read during the service from Amber and friends about her dad, thats enough for a cryfest alone. The look around the room full of people that are still in shock, and need to be held. Quite disturbing.........Her brother is a preacher, and he said that his dad asked him to preach at his funeral.
So he did for a bit, and in the middle of it, he asked us to bow our heads to pray. Then he told us that everyone in this room will die, there is no doubt about it. Then he says : "If god was to come for you tomorrow, would you be ready? " "If you are not sure, just raise your hands so we can pray for you". I wanted to raise my hand, it was wierd, im not a bad person, but i dont go to church, and i just felt that i may not be accepted i guess. I dont know what to really think about it all. I didnt raise my hand. The other girls and i got into the car and followed them over to the grave site.
We were talking on the way over there, and they started talking about it, well i made the mistake of saying that i sorda wanted to raise my hand. We pull up and go to the site, after the service there was over, one of my co-workers went to her brother (preacher) and told him that i was really wantingto raise my hand. So him and his sidekick came over and introduced himself, and they both took my hand and started praying about me.
If that is not a shocker alone, i had closed my eyes, and was just in a uncomfortable state. Just because i was put on the spot and i felt bad about not going to church and this and that. After the 30 min prayer, it seemed like, he asked me "did you ask god for forgiveness? " I replyed truthfully, and said " i didnt think i had too, i think that he knows what i want". I was wanting to hit myself in the head!!!! It was the truth, but was hoping that he knew what i meant, instead of taking it the wrong way. And, whew, i think he knew what i was trying to say. I was kinda mad at my co-worker, i cant be mad for what she was trying to do, by all means.
But i dont think its her place to force me into a situation like that. I feel, that people will know when its time. True that some need a little push, but i was just really uncomfortable. I should be in a good mood though, i leave for Dallas tomorrow, and get to see Thomas. Perhaps he can cheer me up. Jason has been really helpful, when my tooth chipped tonight, i just had so much on my mind, and this seemed to be the last straw.I cried for about 10 min. then bucked it up. I just feel that what little i have of looks, are just going to shit. And being broke sucks ass!
ah shucks....... nothing new........nothing new..........Be a man about it shelle! 1Funerals 2pets dying 3.teeth falling out and chipping 4no money, completley broke 5no emotional support It has to get better right? please, please say yes............................................................................................................... 
