  Okay, today was a good day. I didn't even have to use my AK...I'm probably understating my hapiness right now, but I think that's a good thing, I don't want to jinx myself. I have a lot of different things to talk about, so pardon me if I switch subjects too fast. I wouldn't even be writing this if Jesseca didn't request it. I would much rather be getting to bed, because I am T-I-R-E-D. So never let anyone tell you I'm not a nice guy.
I was trying to think of one of the craziest stories I've ever heard so I could talk about it (there's tons of them), and here's what I came up with. Once upon a time, way back in elementary school, (or maybe middle school, who knows)my friend Tommy was arguing with this kid he didn't like about something. I'm not sure what it was about, probably friggin Mortal Kombat or Power Rangers, judging by the time period. So he gets all mad, and the kid wants to fight him. Instead of pushing the kid or instigating a fight like a normal person, he takes his spork (yes I said spork) and repeatedly stabs him in the hand. Of all places, he stabs him in the hand, with a spork, lol. Bad story huh? Yeaaaa I think so too, but not to worry. I have another, and it goes a little something like this: On the day I was born all the nurses gathered around, and they gazed in wide wonder in the joy they had found. The lead nurse spoke up, she said leave this one alone. She could tell right away, that I was bad to the bone. Bet you can't guess what that's from... Every time you turn on the news you see or hear something about "the sniper", f**k the sniper.
I'm sick and tired of hearing about this damn sniper. I've decided that this guy is a f**king pussy. Actually, all snipers are pussies. They stay in a hidden spot and shoot people from about 200 yards away. Now tell me that isn't acting like a little girl. If he wants to kill people that did nothing at all to him he should at least walk up to them and to shoot them where they can see it. Or act like a real killer and use a knife. This "sniper" is the biggest wussy I've ever heard of. The F.B.I. needs to stop playing around with this guy and start threatening him, insulting him, calling him a pussy, and challenging him to come out and do something for a change.
My mom said they were gonna try using satellites to catch him and I'll tell you right now, that's not gonna work. I'm aware that challenging him will cause him to kill more people, but eventually he'll just kill the same amount anyway, at the rate they're going. They sure as hell aren't getting anywhere right now. I say they issue a open challenge to this b*tch, and call him names.
That way his emotions might get involved, making him much more vulnerable to making a mistake. Lastly, I hear he's starting to communicate with the authorities. Personally, if I got a chance to talk to him, I'd tell him to bring it on. School... can't live with it, can't live without it. I got my report card today, as I'm sure almost everyone else did. I did pretty good on it, better than I thought actually. That's because I really had a D in computers, but since my teacher likes me and knows I'm smarter than that she raised it up to a B at the last minute. Thanks Mrs. Borden. I got A's in history and physics. Pretty good so far... and then there's Mrs. Kelley.
That stupid overweight dike gave me a C, and I had a 78.6 in there. I kind of deserved it, but she doesn't have to be a b*tch about it. She told Zac that there was no hope for me, what a crazy thing to say. I don't think she's aware that I am one of the smartest kids in her class, and that I purposely didn't do any work/didn't pay attention on many occasions just to spite her. I f*king hate that whore. She plays around way too much, pays attention to 3 or 4 kids out of the 35, is unorganized, unforgiving, dumb, ignorant in so many ways about other countries and her own goverment, likes stupid movies, is obsessed with pop culture, is dorky, and is biased. That's a lot right there, but the thing that pisses me off most about her is SHE ISN'T FUNNY! She tries so hard to be funny everyday and I am not amused, neither is 90% of the class.
She thinks she is so funny, and not once has she made me laugh other than by her appearance being so sad it's funny to me. You know what? Fu*k You Mrs. Kelley! Staying with the topic of school I have something else to complain about. People that try to whisper things to me in class, or try to get me to understand something by any means other than by talking in a normal voice. I don't know if this happens to anybody else, but it happens to me all the time. Some f**ker that's sitting next to me [cough *tadandchasemchmahon* cough] will be like "psst sihdfuiohfnko", the jibberish means some random sh*t in a really low voice, trying to get me to understand what they're saying in a quiet voice so the teacher won't hear them. Or sometimes Tad will write something on his desk really small and at a crazy f**king angle so I have to lean really close to read it, and even so, I don't know what it says. After they do this crap they always laugh or look at me and expect me to laugh or somthing, but everytime I tell them "what the hell are you talking about". So they keep whispering it over and over and I still don't know what they're saying so I'm just like "ha, yea..." Then when I do find out what they said it is usually not funny at all, and I am easily amused.
Here's a news flash for you: I DO NOT COMPREHEND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING WHEN YOU TALK WITH YOUR VOICE AT NEGATIVE 5 DECIPALS AND I CANNOT READ WORDS THAT ARE WRITTEN WITH THEIR LETTERS 1 MILLIMETER TALL. SO IF YOU WANT TO SAY A JOKE TO ME FIRST MAKE SURE ITS FUNNY, THEN SAY HEY DAVE, AND SPEAK UP TO TELL THE JOKE, IN ENGLISH. THIS EXLUDES YOU IF YOUR NAME IS CHASE MCMAHON. IN THAT CASE DO NOT TELL ME A JOKE PERIOD, BECAUSE IT IS A PROVEN FACT THAT YOU ARE NEVER FUNNY, EVER, AND I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU.
YOU REDFACED TERET SYNDROME BASTARD. I keep forgetting to ask Jesseca out when we're on the phone, because I don't want to do it on the computer. But I'll do it one of these days, probably tommorow. So don't try and beat me to it anyone. That's right you little surfer midget, now sit down before I get Ben Boatner on you.
Besides, I think it's time for you to go watch your favorite movie - Surf Ninjas . That's about it for today. Pretty long considering I just thought it up as I went along. Also, the only post on Sundays and Tuesdays trend continues. For those of you keeping track thats 7 in a row, I think. I can't wait to go to my comfy bed, I'm gonna listen to The Starting Line to put me to sleep. I didn't listen to them for about a month and now when I listen to the cd it's like it's brand new again (you should try that sometime). I love it, good band. Later guys. I'll leave you with a great line from The Ataris, always remember this: "Life ain't all that bad, life ain't all that bad, even if Henry Rollins is your dad" 
