  i gave you the ability to hurt me. im coming to understand that in this specific circumstance people cant bother you/ hurt you/ disrespect you without your permission or acceptance of it. and i need to learn how to take things for what they are, no more, no less. oh so jaded for 23. and i blame you when i hurt.
but its my fault. im too passionate about things when it comes to my emotions. i hate that about myself. sometimes this life IS for the birds. and then there is a sweet cool breezy june night where you can be alone with your red wine, a smoke and your thoughts, and step outside yourself for a minute and see that no matter what it may feel like, oh sensitive dreamer, things are not as bad as they seem. not as harsh as you think. not always personal. i mean......... i need to remember that. no more anxious feeling, ok? not everything people say/ dont say/ do/ dont do/ imply/dont imply needs to be taken to heart and played (and replayed and replayed) to death in the audio memory. its a very very destructive habit. as i said, im too young to be so jaded. for having some intrensic smarts i need to rise above the drama.
enjoy what there is to enjoy and not put it on the back burner as i obsess on potential negatives. i think i am wasting my life this way. just because i said exactly what i mean doesnt mean i meant what i said. but i miss you. youve been in my head/ heart a lot lately. its not often that my feelings towards a person interacted with my happiness (being based on their happiness alone.
) im reading an amazing book by a man who seemingly is the most non-pretencious spin writer ive ever seen. and hes very introspective and can laugh about his own misery and bad decisions and emotional turmoil and lost love and suicidal tendencies and addiction and ocd behavior and morally inept excursions. and its quite healing. the whole time i think "reuniting the smiths! i love the smiths! i hope he pulls it off! " when in all reality i know damn good and well he didnt. no fear, mr. morrisseys record cant be selling as he had hoped, although all this wiltern dates sold out in seconds. so yeah, reunite? "why with so many people in this beautiful world does anybody have to be alone" 
