  i had a great fucking post a couple days ago. i published it, now where is it?? so S isnt coming. sad. R and her boy in socal got ENGAGED. yay for her! bizarre letter from mike the new gto guitarist. reads:This is Michael Cioffero, the new GTO guitarist. I have been meaning to get in touch with you but my computer has been messed up and I couldn't get to my email for about a week. I hope you are doing well. I have had an interesting ride these past weeks with all that has happened with the theft. On behalf of the band, I want thank you for your support through it all. Your email has meant more to me than I can explain. We have our gear back, a new vehicle to travel in, and are ready to play some music! I hope to see you out at the shows.
Please come say hello!!! " ok i thought that was cute. i replied nice to meet ya mike. he replies: Thank you for your kind words. I acctually think I have met you before. My band before this was George Zip and we played several times with the J's and KKK and I think I meet you those times. Where are you moving? LA? San Diego? I have a friend in San Diego and she loves it. Yea, it would be cool to see you out on the 20.
Thanks again for everything. Michael Cioffero doh. i hate it when that happens. oh those wonderfully deviant J's. another thinker e-mail to eat up space and energy in your brain? "after some vicodin here it comes. existence is futile. emotions rage and wane. if only one could take a pill that says today is a sad day, and on. thoughts creep telling me to be stressed that my life is shit, that where i am is shit, and ask me constantly where i am going. telling me to lie just to make life more interesting. looking for someone to connect with missing the feeling of a mental journey with another mind and soul.
and practicality always seeps in slowly like the dribble down your leg when you forget to shake it off. there are millions of people in the world with worse life's and situations and i am in some way positive that they find it in themselves to be happy/ content with their lot and future. the kick that exists is that if only i could not be alone in this world that i too could be content with anything, if i could find someone to complete me. i guess that means that i dont believe that i have ever been whole. maybe when i am an old geezer i can look back and feel complete.
until then i look in situations sunsets nature, music, and the arts for a glimpse of something that is beyond me, something that is whole, so that for whatever infinite time that i glimpse this my soul is tickled by possibilities and perfection. words thoughts and anything is not needed and becomes inconsequential because this IS. so i live my time looking or waiting for these moments and the time in between seems to be just that. so as i sit watching this blinking cursor my biggest insecurity, that i will be alone for the rest of my life, seems permanent but utterly ridiculous. what for? go look for your soul. " thats right. 
