  i cannot put into words what is going thru my head right now... rumors have been going around twn that my mom had a boyfrend named rich n something who is a fucking druggie loser at the bakery. mom denies, and i told her if there was ANYTHING valid to this claim she better ne the one to tell me NOW or it is not forgivable. ive spent the last 3 hours talking to my mom and dad.......... and im dying. i am 4 hours away and cannot comfort either one. they both are alone.... in so much pain. i want my mom to TRY and love my dad.
TRY. i want my dad to see the pain my mom is in.. how am i going to be able to move across the country and persue my dreams when im so worried about them being ALONE? anyway mark and paul and probably jim (jennys boyfriend too) heard rumors from this rick asshole that he had been dating my mom MONTHS AGO. what the fuck. mark was finally the one to comfront my dad. so dad calls me, the pain is pallable, and asks me to answer him honestly-- is mom seeing anyone...... my breath left my body.
i thought i was going to hyperventelate. i started to cry... i started to have a panic attack. i got angry, i got scared. i wanted to throw up, and i could not get to mom fast enough. they dont know what this is doing to me, and i think i would be in worse shape if i wasnt in the middle.. they cannot talk to each other. and they wont talk to anyone else.
that leaves me. i am so worried the family thinks less of her. she adores them she needs them. what if they abandon her? WHAT IF? they are going to grow old alone.
ALONE. what if something happens? WHAT IF? my dad was suicidal, he tells me. and he would call my mom and she would say "what can i do. " he tells me this from 4 hours away over the phone at 11pm.
i am so scared for them. WHAT IF HE GETS THAT SAD? ohh god, what if this is true. ......... what then? god please help me. please god be with my parents.
now more than ever. we need you. please. ive never felt so hopeless. and helpless. and alone.
how can i think about my petty shit when this is going on? HOW? and what can my mom do about this? if he is called on it as sexual harassment, can he be fired? and if he is fired, will he come after my mom? i am so scared. 
