  blahblahblah finals, schminals i don't know if anyone knows what i mean when i say this, but does it ever feel like your world has abruptly flipped? like, completely overturned in a matter of days? i feel so detached. folks can do that to ya. this isn't happening. this isn't real.
nothing is real. it doesn't feel real. this is right. this is wrong. fuck. i'm so out of it right now, i don't ever know what the fuck i'm writing about.
even though i know i'm different than i was then, there are still parts of me that want to be someone's everything girl. i've felt like a letdown all my life. seriously, you wouldn't think it and you wouldn't know it (even the closest to me don't know it) because i hide it well. there is nothing monumental in my life that makes me feel accomplished, that makes me feel like i'm not just taking up other's space and air. i've always wanted to do something different for someone else, something that no one could ever do before. i don't know what's happened to me, how i've become this anti-social hermit who only leaves the house for a select few.
surely there must be a way to patch everything up inside to make everything come out the right way on the outside. i'm tired of feeling like this confused mess. there's so much i keep from everyone. there's so little i tell even the closest. i'm constantly afraid of decisions in the past that i've made (which is why i never speak of them. i already think poorly enough of myself).
i have a thousand heavy skeletons inside the little black box that is my heart. over the years i've attempted to bury it, only to find myself digging it up to add another corpse to it. it's a vicious cycle, my secret little world. iamanemokid says i've decided that everyone, men, women, children, single celled organisms, should have a menstrual cycle at least once in their lives, so that everyone may know what it's like to bleed for 5-7 days and not die. it's like torture. so, when i become president of the world, it will be manditory that everyone/thing on the planet will have to bleed for 5-7 days.
word. there's nothing more frightening than large groups of bleached blond haired, painted toe nailed, oranged skinned, boobs popping out of their shirts, saying snotty things sorority girls. severe thunderstorn warning. 
