  Finally a doctor agreed with me. I may not need medication for my depression. My depression is not.. a chemical imbalance.. its from my upbringing.
Well duh, I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and that is from the way I was brought up. Not learning to cope, not learning the emotional things I needed to develope. The Dr. didn't give me anythign for my anxiety, but he did start a mood stabilizer, Topomax, also a drug used for seizures. Hope it helps, one side effect of it is weight loss, and how could that be a bad thing. I realize so much, I need to change my perception of life.
I need to realize, although I wish I had a real family, it will never happen. My parents could never live up to my expectations, even if they wanted to. I always wanted to please them as a child. Now, I always wonder why. I've also realized, that as a child, I didn't realize these things that went on in my family were wrong.
I feel stupid for that. I could of stopped alot of these things before they happened. But i guess I shouldn't keep saying.. If I would have.... that is the past.. I have to live for my future. I don't know what it is though. I don't know what I want it to be. I'm so confused on a daily basis. I can't make heads nor tails of anything in my life. I've always wanted so much for my future. Always wanted things to be perfect. I know they can't be, but that doesn't stop me from wanting that.
If I had, everything I wanted, would my life be so haunted? Would I be scared, of going somewhere new? Would I always be crying? And feeling blue? I ask myself this question, Almost every day, I also ask my God, and nothing he does say. Am I all alone, In this dark and lonely world, Am I all alone, Answer this I say, I do not want to be alone, I do not want to be alone. Please save my life, and my soul, Please tell me where I have to go..
So that I am not alone. 
