  The Christmas week day by day... 12-23-02: Basically woke up, packed, and rode 260 miles of painfully boring super slab to Mom's. It sucked going alone. Weather didn't feel to bad when I left so I thought I could get by without my electric vest. BIG mistake. Froze my butt off. Had to go alone because Mark is still unable to ride or handle long trips in the truck.
By the time I arrived at Mom's Mark was just getting home from his latest doc appointment. The good news is that he has no nerve damage from the compressed discs in his back. The bad news is that he has carpal tunnel in both wrists. Not good for a guy who rides a motorcycle almost exclusively and whose favorite past time is playing guitar. The braces have really helped reduce the amount of pain he is in though. The medication they gave him has helped some but not enough and is taking too long.
It's not a lack of patience it is the constant aching. He is grown very tired of being in pain all the time. I can see that it is exhausting him. The poor guy looks like he needs a nap all the time now. To take care of this they are now going for the more invasive option number two. On January 9th he will go in and have an epidural where they shoot the meds right to the spot that needs it.
I think it is cortisone or something like that. He is not to thrilled about it and I can see he is a bit nervous. He less thrilled about aching all the time. Once at Mom's I sat around for a bit and then we went and grabbed some dinner. Some of the worlds best hot pastrami sandwiches. After dinner I went to a friends house and visited.
I am always trying to cram to much into these short visits. After I left there I ran into another friend and spent another hour visiting with him. I always stay out later than I should but there is no real point to going back to Mom's early if Mark isn't with me. All I do is crawl into bed and watch TV until I am too exhausted to stay awake. I really hate travelling without him. I don't get any sleep.
12-24-02: Christmas Eve. This is when my family comes together to watch the sisters pretend nothing is wrong. It seems that somebody is always ticked off at someone else. Instead of yelling at each other or expressing that they are pissed they stew in it. It is the cattiest bunch of women I know. They are happy to tell anyone that will listen that they are unhappy with one of the others except the person they are pissed at.
They certainly aren't going to tell the person why they are upset. They run around holding grudges, wagging their tongues, and passing judgement. It is sad really. My brother and I may not have gotten along very well growing up but at least we knew where we stood with each other. Don't get me wrong, I love each and every one of them. They are my family and they care about me just as I care about them.
They just have odd logic. I guess it is this way with most families though and I can't complain. Sometimes it is even fun to watch. The older I get the less entertaining it all is though. I do not like that family gatherings feel more like a chore now and have become less enjoyable. I miss being young and oblivious to it all.
We did have a nice dinner and I just love my cousin David's kids. He really had great kids. He scored in the wife department too. If I had a bigger paycheck those kids would be spoiled at Christmas. Amanda is just a doll and is always ready with hugs and a smile. Clayton looks just like his Dad and only recently warmed up to me.
My Grandmother gave all the cousins $1000 for Christmas this year. She appeared to really enjoy being able to do it too. It was great to see Grandma so happy. I told her she shouldn't have and she told me better to have it now then after she is dead. What do you say to that? I have only recently realized that she is getting old and it scares me.
For as long as I can remember Grandma has been there with hugs, cookies, and all kinds of stuff. Her house was a great place to be. It was creepy the first time I looked at her and saw her as she is. For some reason she always looked exactly the same to me now as she did when I was a child. It just never occurred to me that my Grandma would ever die. I have wonderful memories of Grandma's house from when I was growing up and I am very grateful to her for that.
My childhood had some serious lumps in it but I can't remember a single bad thing about Grandma's house. Unless you count tripping over my own two feet and having to go get stitches. Can't count that though. When I remember it, it is funny. Mark got me a wonderful digital camera for Christmas. Which I now carry with me everywhere and am chronicalling everything.
Mom had an awesome, custom built, deep pit, oak wood BBQ made for me. I can't wait to get it up here and start burning some meat. After the family gathering I went to Arroyo grande to see Mark and Marci. I had hoped I would be able to see Annette as well but ran out of time and energy. Their new house is beautiful and I am going to try and duplicate the set up they have for their bed. There is something about it that just says "relax, you are in a safe, warm, sanctuary".
12-25-02 Christmas Day: I woke up, bundled up, went by Grandma's to say bye to her and my Aunt's, and hit the road. I really hated being away from Mark for Christmas and have decided that it will not happen again. It really did suck. My sole desire was to go home and be with Mark. I did the ride in record time. Not because I was in a hurry, but because I dang near froze to death.
My bikes normal running temp is 184. For over 50 miles it wouldn't go over 162 it was so cold out. A good portion of the ride was in the low 30's. By the time I got home I had to actually warm up before I tried to take a shower or bath. Even cold water stung and burned my skin. A note on home and where it is.
I think I can say I have finally flown the nest. It was strange to drive all over Santa Maria, looking around, and feel like I don't belong anymore. My whole life it has been my home. When I first moved to the Bay Area all I ever thought about were my visits home. I have spent most of my time here in the Bay Area feelling homeless. For the first time I was in Santa Maria, and all I wanted was to be home.
Home was not where I thought it was anymore. Santa Maria is no longer my home. I do not belong there anymore. It's all weird, kinda philsophical, and hard to explain. It's just a feelling. My home is in San Jose now.
Mark is my family. I am where I belong. I honestly believe if I had not met Mark I would still feel homeless living here. But now I am in San Jose, with him, and I am home. It's pretty cool. 12-26-02: I went to work.
Mark got to sleep in. 12-27-02 and the Moxie Rox show report to be continued next post. Julz 
