  In front of me a TV game show is playing on MUTE and my head rests on top of my hands,  as though I am praying,  but I am not;  I am rubbing my eyes and trying to wake up,  and my hair is brushing the tabletop which is covered in crumbs and I am thinking to myself that,  in spite of everything that has happened in my life,
 I have never lost the sensation of always being on the brink of some magic revelation- that if only I would look closely enough at the world,  then that magic revelation would be mine-  if only I could wake up just that little bit more.  And on the TV there were still more birds!  Such lovely creatures and I thought that we are so lucky to have the animals.
 What act of goodness did we as humans once commit to deserve such kindness from God?  And then there was that same news story again about Superman's dying- except I realized I got the city wrong- he's supposed to die over Metropolis ,  not Minneapolis.  But I was still sad.
 I have always liked the idea that there is one person in the world who doesn't do bad things.  And that there is one person in the world who is able to fly.  I don't know what it was about myself that your mother found lovable.  I guess whatever it was is not enough to overcome the things she is feeling now.  Brent said,  "
Hey- you're always interpreting your dreams.  Here's an idea- why not try something else.  Why not interpret your everyday life as though it were a dream,  instead.
 Say to yourself,  'A plane's flying overhead now-  What does this mean?  ' Say to yourself,  'It's raining so much lately-  What does this mean?
 ' Say to yourself,  'Today I thought I had rediscovered Laurie- but it turned out it was someone else instead.  What does this mean? ' I think this makes life an easier thing.  I really do.
 A week later,  around six at night,  Dana phoned me up- I'm not hard to reach:  my phone number has been the same for almost ten years- and he was obviously at a pay phone,
 with cars and trucks roaring in the background.  " It's me,  he said.  " I figured.
 You okay?  A pause.  " Absolutely.  I tried to make conversation and felt vaguely like I was in a quiet room with somebody on terminal life support.  "
Your wife seems nice,  I said.  " I pray for you,  he replied.  "
Oh,  I said.  " Uh- thanks.  "
I pray for you because you have no faith and hence no soul.  " Hey Danester- I may be faithless,  but I'm not without a soul.  I'll thank you not to patronize me,
 either.  " God is descending into the suburbs,  Scout.  We never expected judgment in our time,  but it is going to happen.
 " Dana?  What's the deal?  " The time is coming,  Scout.
 You will not have to live inside linear time anymore;  the concept of infinity will cease to be frightening.  All secrets will be revealed.  There will be great destruction;  structures like skyscrapers and multinational corporations will crumble.  Your dream life and your real life will fuse.
 There will be music.  Before you turn immaterial,  your body will turn itself inside out and fall to the ground and cook like steak on a cheap hibachi and you will be released and you will be judged.  " Um- Dana.
 I think I have somebody on call waiting.  Can I phone you back?  " You may be driving in a car when it happens.  YOu may be shopping in a fashionable store.  You may be.
 " Hey Dana.  Gotta go.  Caio .  And there is Dana.  Sometimes I want to go to sleep and merge with the foggy world of dreams and not return to this,
 our real world.  Sometimes I just feel that there must be another road that can be walked- away from this person I became- either against my will or by default.  " Did I ever tell you,
 I said,  " about the time last year in Stanley Park when Mark and I went rollerblading?  " No.  "
There was this group of blind people,  with white canes and everything- a C. N. I. B.
 tour or something-  and they heard us coming,  and they motioned for us to stop,  and we did.  Then they handed Mark a camera.  They asked Mark to take their picture.
 " Blind people?  " Exactly.  But the strange thing was,  they still believed in sight.
 In pictures.  I'm thinking that's not a bad attitude.  And that is my story until now.  Here I now lie,  on my stomach,  looking out at the dark wet world,
 pulling the blanket tighter around me,  smoking a cigarette,  and knowing that this is the end of some aspect of my life,  but also a beginning- the beginning of some unkown secret that will reveal itself to me soon.  All I need to do is ask and pray.
 I stub out my cigarette,  close the tent flaps,  and lay back on the ground sheet on top of the soil.  I close my eyes and prepare to sleep,  but something underneath me nudges my spine.  I reach my arms out of the flaps,
 into the rain,  and underneath the ground sheet,  where I pluck out a small object.  I bring it back inside and feel it- it is a spruce pinecone.  I smell it,
 cold and wet,  and then hold it up to my cheek.  I then stick my arm back outside the tent and plant the cone into the soil,  just below the ground sheet.  Time is how the trees grow.  I will fall asleep for a thousand years,
 and when I wake,  a mighty spruce tree will have raised me up high,  high into the sky.  - Life After God 
