  Spadazzle One day, while at a carnival, I was minding my own business, then all of a sudden I spotted an old friend. After realizing that I did not want to talk to this person, I began to run through the crowd. Apparently I did not get away in time because the person began to follow me. Each turn I took, there she was, following. I began to panic, racing through the crowd, I desperately searched for a place to hide. Alas!
the church doors had been left open. I scurried inside, with not a hope of ever knowing, I did not slow down, I run down to the basement where I found there to be nothing. A room and nothing more, I began, in a hurried panic, to run back up the stairs but found myself face to face with this person. Now in a state of emergency I ran back to the basement and began to claw at the walls in a desperate attempt to make an escape but this task proved useless for when I looked at my fingers, they had been worn down to the knuckles. Now with no other option I ran up the stairs and pushed the advancer of mine down the stairs, I heard a loud snapping noise, I recognized the sound and knew that she had broken her legs. I stood there staring blankly into the darkness of the basement room when what do I see?
but her walking on her hands. I froze, I knew not what to do. Then right before my eyes she collapsed, her shoulders had dislocated. What luck! I thought. I realized that she lay now unconscious, so being the gentleman that I am, I took her to the nearby hospital.
10 or so years later I had stepped into my profession of body guarding. I had a received a new assignment. This new assignment required the use of my services as a protector of a psychiatrist at a local center for misguided children. I never got to meet with the person I was protecting, my job consisted of sitting outsider her office and to run in if anything went wrong. One day while I sat outside the office I heard an abnormal sound. There was an 8 year old in the office and I thought to myself, well what could go wrong with an 8 year old, he couldnt be too hard to control.
After reviewing this I decided that it was the right decision to not go in. A few seconds later the same sound only louder penetrated my ears and I burst into the room. As I stand in the doorway, looking around the office, I spot the psychiatrist for the first time. In shock I took a step back, for it was the person whom I had brought to the hospital after she had broken her legs and arms. I took another look to see what the screaming was about. In a rage of mixed confusion and anger I saw the 8 year old forcing himself on the psychiatrist.
I quickly reached for my gun and pulled it out, and then unloaded the chamber into the childs back. The child lay motionless in a pool of his own blood. I grabbed the psychiatrist and we swung out the window on a nearby vine into the forest. While in the forest we had a picnic and debated what to do with the rest of out day. We finally decided that the best option would be to go ice-skating. Ice-skating later proved to be the wrong idea.
While performing simple tricks, a mistake was made. This trick required me to lift my partner above my head. In the process of doing this her ice skate blade came into contact with the front of my face, slicing it open like a knife through warm butter. She rightfully so took me to the hospital, there while on a stretcher awaiting deployment to the OR, I asked for her hand in marriage. Lying in a state of unconsciousness I told her that I had not a real ring but a spider ring that I had gotten out of a quarter machine earlier that day. She, not being able to resist my stud like ways, said yes.
After the wedding we move into a pretty castle, where we breed pink ponies. 2 years later we have our first child. He is a disappointment and is constantly getting in trouble with the law and at school. One day I decide that I am done dealing with him so I introduce the back of his head to the shovel. Not sure whether he is dead or knocked out, I lay him to his final rest under the cement of the basement floor. There he lays, to this day, undisturbed in his eternal sleep.
3 years after this incident, we make the decision to have more children. In the up bringing of these children we realize that they are not perfect, but they are good kids. As the years go on, the children grow up without much trouble. The children go on with their lives and move out, and to no surprise we are soon forgotten. 25 years later, now my wife and I are 102 years old and the government confronts us with a proposition. They are interested in purchasing our land property so they could build an airport.
We refuse and the government went on to build the airport around our house. Old and senile, I sit on the front porch in a diaper and shotgun in had. I also have a pink poodle that sits loyally at my side. In a previous conflict with my poodle, I had my left nipple bitten off. My wife, who sits in the basement all day with her thousands of cats, got tired of changing my diapers got me a helper monkey. This monkey did all the household chores, and when it would slip up, we would throw cats at it.
Not long after this, we sat in the living room watching the lion king. Now we both could feel the hand of death close at hand and we died of simultaneous heart attacks. Considering no one remembered about us we sat in our house until out bodies decayed and out skulls rolled off of our skeletons. When we were discovered, 7 years later, they could not tell for sure whose skull was whose. For this we were buried in the same casket. Now to this day you can go out and read our tombstone, which reads, Here lies Teddie and Kevin, looking upon you, but not from heaven! 
