  i had a nervous break down. well at least thats what i call them. havent been like this in a long time i guess maybe its the time i have to myself.
the amount of time i have to think. i try to keep busy but theres only so much i can do by myself or maybe its the fact that my family talks way to much shit about me. they act like i have no ears to hear. teddie will never be like that. she will never look like that. teddie this and teddie that. im still shaking and im about to throw up in a few minutes. im crying.
when was the last time i cried? i cant handle myself anymore i feel a great deal of pressure pushing down on me and i cant get away from it. y do i have to make everyone else happy?  y does my own family push me about how i look?  i barely have enough self convidence to get me up in the morning i dont need my own flesh and blood telling me im ugly im fat nobody will ever like me like the way i am.
telling me im a horrible person i thought family was suppose to be there for u i thought family was the only group of people that accept u for who u are?  i guess i was wrong. i guess i was wrong about alot of things. but who do i turn to now?  im left with no one. gina and cassie r over since i left im invisible theyre to rapped up in their own world and i dont blame them.
the only one i got solid comfort from for a year was kevin but he cant comfort me anymore. he would say " its not his job anymore"  and everyone else doesnt no me well enough to actually help me i guess u can say im alone im drowning myself deeper and deeper i go. im gonna be the cause of my own death the thought of knowing ur alone is so scary excepically when ur biggest fear is urself 
